7. The Non-Cooperation Movement

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Although I was so adamant against the mind in the argument regarding the mastery over the instincts, I had no idea how and where to begin. They seemed extremely tough, much tougher than the simple sense addictions. Although I knew that eventually the mechanism has to be ‘virtuous vortex’ I needed another boost of some kind. And it did come from several directions. These precious teachings are like the drops of nectar which I can never afford to forget.

The very first thing I did – Accept my weaknesses, no matter how nasty they are. This may seems like a simple thing, but you will soon know that it is not easy to accept our dirty stuff even to ourselves. We quite often lie to ourselves and portray ourselves as perfect gentlemen/women even to ourselves. ‘Atmasakshi’ is very often hushed. But don’t we know our real colors? One day or the other, we are bound to get weary of this self-pretence business.

But why is this acceptance so vital? I say I am an aspirant of Self-Realization, Atma Sakshatkara. So, what am I going to realize eventually? – I say ‘Self’. Then is it not necessarily required to be completely honest and open to my ‘self’? Is it not necessary to analyze every small bit of me, no matter how ugly it is? Good or bad, I should know every bit about the habits, qualities that have accumulated around me. If I do not even accept their presence, how will I know if they are needed or not? How can I ensure that these hidden viruses have not taken control of my activities? How can I know for sure that I am totally in command of all the facets of my being? That’s why acceptance is crucial. Acceptance to myself alone is adequate, no need of any publicity! This is not some acrobatic Asana performance ;-)

Ok, I accepted, what next? Till now I was happy pretending that I am a very decent person and concealed all my dirt even to myself. So, obviously I never bothered about the filth inside of me. But now that I began accepting, I saw how much of dirt is constipated inside. Then there was a tendency within me to feel depressed “Oh God, I am such a horrible person. How can I get over these powerful instincts in me?”. This guilt was very hard to fight.

Then one day, I heard this very uplifting statement in the movie ‘Peaceful Warrior’ – “YOU are NOT your mind. You think you are, but you are not”. Then why should I feel either elated or depressed? Let it think whatever it wants. I will just watch but not get involved. Swami Vivekananda, in his Raja Yoga book, brings our attention to this. When we try to sit quiet, mind will try throwing up all possible things at us. First it will try routine thoughts – our current affairs in office, house etc. A thought sustains only if you take up a role in it and participate – be it good or bad. So, I just watch but do not participate actively in the thought. And the thought will slowly die. If we do not get moved by less intense thoughts, mind will go on raising the bar till you get dragged into it. It will jump higher and higher – e.g. scene from your most favorite movie, your most cherished date with boyfriend, your biggest dream of getting an award etc. But suppose I do not take the bait from these thoughts as well, I show least interest. Then the mind takes resort in its deeper layers. Instincts begin to shoot up. It starts bringing up the most weird things (which even Hollywood directors cannot think of). They may even be disgusting and terrifying. As Swami Vivekananda says, we may even get surprised as to how we could think so bad. At this stage, we invariably feel guilty, disturbed. If we feel ‘guilty’ that means we begin to participate in that thought.

A thought gets powered either if you love it OR hate it – either way the thought gets nourishment. Repulsion to a thought will never make it go away. What mind notes is only the intensity associated with a thought. Like or dislike – both will be given the same rating in your database. A super hit movie or a highly controversial movie (no matter how garbage), both will get huge publicity and attention. A super hit movie (good thoughts) gets fed by viewers (your involvement in the thought), and a controversial movie (rubbish thoughts) gets fed by publicity of criticisms (your guilt and depression). Negative rating will never eliminate a thought. So, with guilt, we effectively supply power to this line of thoughts and thereafter we are lost in the chain of thoughts. My meditation becomes a chaotic marketplace.

So, the obvious solution is ultimate Non-Cooperation to the mind. I will not fight you, nor will I support you, no matter what you show me and how disgusting you become.

A movie will silently come and vanish only if it is a flop. And flop means neither viewers nor criticizers for it. But you see, media loves controversy. If they see anything weird, it will be immediately taken up and printed on first page. And even public loves to hear about this. This is a very stubborn habit of the society. Similarly, getting over the negativity of mind is a very hard task, especially with the kind of controversial thoughts we start getting due to instincts. Perhaps it is this very deep rooted habit of each individual that collectively shows up as the habit of the society. Will media publicize such news if they see very low viewer ratings for negative news? And subsequently will any director dare to make a controversial movie if he knows that no media channel will ever give any sort of publicity? Who is responsible for this stupidity then, the movie maker or the media or the public?

Then I thought changing the habits of the society is not my concern for the moment, so let me look at changing my inner habits. It was difficult but not impossible. Non-cooperation movement had to be fought for a long time. After a while I discovered the key to non-cooperation – we should deny to label any thought as ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Only this branding makes the thoughts survive. Till now I called instincts as ‘bad’ and they thrived on my guilt. So now, I simply let them alone – neither fight nor support, neither Raga nor Dvesha. Whether the thoughts are good or bad is not my concern. Thoughts are just passing clouds. If thoughts are good, that doesn't mean I am good. If thoughts are ugly, that doesn't mean I am bad. "I am NOT my mind". I am something more than that. It wasn't as easy anyway. Mind didn't give up so easily, the inbuilt evil tree was quite deep. But for how long can you keep your show running, Oh mind? I am your only viewer and I deny to watch your shows no matter how good they are. And if your shows are rubbish, I deny to read criticisms, I deny to listen to controversies. You are dependent on me for your survival, but I do not need you for my existence. You are powered by me, I am not powered by you. I deny cooperation. You have to show me only what I tell you to show. You cannot forcefully make me see what you wish. My freedom is inevitable.

And to add to this, a further reinforcement came from Ramana Maharshi - Let all kinds of thoughts come up. If they do not surface, how can they get eliminated? They generously emerge only to get destroyed one day.

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