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Suppose you are playing a
2-player game. The opponent is extremely tough, and it seems impossible to beat
him. But the rules are such that the game would never end until you win. You
win once and the game is over. If your opponent wins, you get another chance.
This way the game will go on, till you win, just once. An impossible opponent,
but infinite opportunities to beat him. Looks fair, doesn’t it?
So is it said… once I know what I actually am, it is over. I may lose a million times before winning just once. But once I
know, it is over forever. Fantastic. But who is the opponent? My own self mistaken as a limited identity, as the mind, as an individual. How to beat this?
This is where we fundamentally go wrong — we try to go about this as how we would to beat others in a game by getting all enthusiastic and pumped up; we fail to notice that the situation here is fundamentally different - that all our efforts, conscious or unconscious, only reinforces the limited individual. If I indulge in pleasures, the individual is reinforced as the enjoyer; if I resist the temptation the individual is reinforced as the resister; if I feel guilty for having indulged, the individual is reinforced as the guilty! This is like the ancient folk tales where the demon gets the energy of the one fighting with it; the more you fight it, the stronger the demon gets! With all our mental acrobatics we only change the color of the demon, but the size is unaffected. Then what am I to do!
This is where we fundamentally go wrong — we try to go about this as how we would to beat others in a game by getting all enthusiastic and pumped up; we fail to notice that the situation here is fundamentally different - that all our efforts, conscious or unconscious, only reinforces the limited individual. If I indulge in pleasures, the individual is reinforced as the enjoyer; if I resist the temptation the individual is reinforced as the resister; if I feel guilty for having indulged, the individual is reinforced as the guilty! This is like the ancient folk tales where the demon gets the energy of the one fighting with it; the more you fight it, the stronger the demon gets! With all our mental acrobatics we only change the color of the demon, but the size is unaffected. Then what am I to do!
Notice that there is a difference between indulgence/guilt and resistance. One is an unconscious, involuntary, automatic process, and another is conscious, voluntary and effortful. Therein lies the key. Let us examine this with an example.
On a certain day, suppose I got introduced to a particular chicken dish. I got so mesmerized by its taste that thereafter it became a compulsion. I went on treating myself with this dish several times a week. Now the involuntary force of indulgence is getting strengthened, and thereby the individual is unconsciously being reinforced (as the one who likes and enjoys the dish). Later one day I realize that I have become a slave to this temptation. I want to be free of it. So I adamantly decide “I will not eat chicken now onward”. Few days pass by. Temptation is growing. I resist. After a while I cannot bear it anymore. “What is the big deal if you eat once more? Go on eat, eat”. I eat chicken that day. I now start feeling a bit guilty about myself; I feel like a loser. A sense of failure sprouts silently. I may try to ignore it. However, after few days the situation repeats. The plant of guilt gets watered again, and again, and again.
Here the individual is going through the following phases: Indulgence - Resistance - Guilt. The end result is that now I have two problems. While there was only indulgence earlier, now both indulgence and guilt are energizing the individual. The individual remains with a force more than before.
But taking into consideration the difference between indulgence/guilt and resistance, there is a way to do this differently. Once I realize that I have become a slave to the temptation, I decide to resist it. I resist it for a few days. Very consciously. When it gets too much to bear, I consciously let go of all resistance, and I go and eat. I just indulge and enjoy. I resist again for a few days. When it bugs me too much, I let go of all resistance, and indulge.
Notice keenly as to what is happening. When a doing is conscious, it can also be dropped consciously. But in the earlier case, the energy from the voluntary effort of resistance, instead of getting dropped, was all getting converted into the involuntary force of guilt. Only if you have the resistance still going on within you while you indulge, guilt is possible. If I just drop all my resistance, and simply indulge, guilt cannot arise; it has no energy to feed on. On the contrary, as I get more conscious and effortful with the resistance, each time I drop that effort, along with it gets dropped some of the unconscious force (of indulgence) as well.
For e.g. in order to tackle any unconscious tension in the fingers, first we should tense the fingers consciously. Now when you relax the fingers, the unconscious tension also gets released. This may have to be repeated when the tension is more and more unconscious. The same works with the mind as well. This is a fundamental principle of the mind described in the Mandukya Karika (commentary by Gaudapada on the Mandukya Upanishad)
So, in this new scenario the individual is going through the following phases: Indulgence - Resistance - Drop the resistance - Indulgence. The end result is that the individual is weaker than before. In each cycle the resistance is generated and dropped, taking away some force of indulgence along with it. The unconscious compulsions can thus gradually fade away. The limited individual that feeds on several unconscious compulsions like this can thus be weakened using the principle of "Conscious effort + Conscious let go". The individual can thus be beaten.
On a certain day, suppose I got introduced to a particular chicken dish. I got so mesmerized by its taste that thereafter it became a compulsion. I went on treating myself with this dish several times a week. Now the involuntary force of indulgence is getting strengthened, and thereby the individual is unconsciously being reinforced (as the one who likes and enjoys the dish). Later one day I realize that I have become a slave to this temptation. I want to be free of it. So I adamantly decide “I will not eat chicken now onward”. Few days pass by. Temptation is growing. I resist. After a while I cannot bear it anymore. “What is the big deal if you eat once more? Go on eat, eat”. I eat chicken that day. I now start feeling a bit guilty about myself; I feel like a loser. A sense of failure sprouts silently. I may try to ignore it. However, after few days the situation repeats. The plant of guilt gets watered again, and again, and again.
Here the individual is going through the following phases: Indulgence - Resistance - Guilt. The end result is that now I have two problems. While there was only indulgence earlier, now both indulgence and guilt are energizing the individual. The individual remains with a force more than before.
But taking into consideration the difference between indulgence/guilt and resistance, there is a way to do this differently. Once I realize that I have become a slave to the temptation, I decide to resist it. I resist it for a few days. Very consciously. When it gets too much to bear, I consciously let go of all resistance, and I go and eat. I just indulge and enjoy. I resist again for a few days. When it bugs me too much, I let go of all resistance, and indulge.
Notice keenly as to what is happening. When a doing is conscious, it can also be dropped consciously. But in the earlier case, the energy from the voluntary effort of resistance, instead of getting dropped, was all getting converted into the involuntary force of guilt. Only if you have the resistance still going on within you while you indulge, guilt is possible. If I just drop all my resistance, and simply indulge, guilt cannot arise; it has no energy to feed on. On the contrary, as I get more conscious and effortful with the resistance, each time I drop that effort, along with it gets dropped some of the unconscious force (of indulgence) as well.
For e.g. in order to tackle any unconscious tension in the fingers, first we should tense the fingers consciously. Now when you relax the fingers, the unconscious tension also gets released. This may have to be repeated when the tension is more and more unconscious. The same works with the mind as well. This is a fundamental principle of the mind described in the Mandukya Karika (commentary by Gaudapada on the Mandukya Upanishad)
So, in this new scenario the individual is going through the following phases: Indulgence - Resistance - Drop the resistance - Indulgence. The end result is that the individual is weaker than before. In each cycle the resistance is generated and dropped, taking away some force of indulgence along with it. The unconscious compulsions can thus gradually fade away. The limited individual that feeds on several unconscious compulsions like this can thus be weakened using the principle of "Conscious effort + Conscious let go". The individual can thus be beaten.
While trying this method., I found one more trick. Only criterion is, we should choose something easy to achieve to start with and keep on experiencing the victory. After sometime, we can go for something difficult, yet, not too difficult. Everytime, mind should say, "This is simple only, I can do this, it's after all for limited time only.it's fine." This way, I play tricks with the mind. :)
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely right.. good realization.. I wrote this point later in the blog in the 39th post "Why we fail to practice?"
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