3. The Extrication of Extremes

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As I somehow surpassed the miraculous mistake and the negativity it caused, I faced another problem. I straightaway went to the other extreme. I started thinking too lightly about Self-Realization and too highly of myself. I started talking like a philosopher - “Everything is Brahman, It is all one”, without even having the faintest idea of what it meant. I thought that talking like this, imitating spiritual masters is itself the ‘Sadhana’ – spiritual practice.

When I learnt bowling in cricket, perhaps when I was 11 years, I remember the haughtiness it created in me. Everyday I was bombarding the back wall of my house with my bowling (of course, with tennis ball) for hours. I began imagining myself in the Indian cricket team because I thought my bowling was furiously fast. All the elder children in the neighborhood were playing cricket next to my house almost daily. I wasn’t included in the play as I was too young and a mismatch in their amidst. But then one day I thought it is time for me to show my greatness to all these ignorant people. That day I challenged my brother (who is elder to me by several years) that if they allowed me to play with them, I would get him Out within minutes. They laughed and put me in. After a while I got my chance to bowl. I thought before he would wink his eyelids, my bowling, which was supposed to be furiously fast, would have uprooted the wickets. I bowled and bowled and bowled. My brother hit and hit and hit. All were laughing and I was perplexed. I didn’t know what was going wrong. How can he be hitting my bowling so easily which is lightning fast?

Similarly, my self-proclaimed spiritual wisdom, which was a result of overconfidence and taking Self-Realization very lightly, was shattered whenever situations were against me. My fake wisdom would be available only if everything outside was going fine. I could bowl only to a dead wall. A batsman came and easily thrashed my bowling. One small difficulty comes and I am blown away to fours and sixers. I was into easy-chair-philosophy with no practical implications.

When I woke up from this blunder as well, I saw that the root cause is again the same! Instead of focusing at the process, I was only focusing at the final product – being Buddha, being Ramakrishna, being Vivekananda etc. Last time I was dejected by looking at the extraordinary feats that they could perform. But now I have gone into over-confidence by imitating their simplicity and philosophy. So, I now understood that straightaway focusing at the final product, instead of the process and plan, can stagnate me in two ways – Either by giving a sense of difficulty, or by deluding me that it is so easily done. Then I noticed that both these extreme feelings trouble us in our lives with almost every aspiration. If we see a great vocalist singing brilliantly, one aspirant may get so astounded that he will say that it is impossible to sing like that and give up on the first day itself. And another aspirant may get overconfident by looking at the ease with which the vocalist sang, and boast that it is very easy and even he can do it. Only a few will accept to themselves “It is possible, but I have to practice regularly for a long time” and follow this practically. And these are the ones that will become great singers one day, not the former ones who took to extremes. Buddha’s simple but powerful message of following the middle path!

The mistake was simple and hence the solution too. I am seeing Buddha only after he became a Buddha. I am seeing Vivekananda only after he became Vivekananda. And I went into the delusion that by imitating them in their final form, I will become like them. I conveniently ignored all the struggle and effort that they had put in, even though they had explained those in detail. But No. I want everything easily done.

All the genuine masters have said repeatedly, “I am not special, even you can become like me, all can attain realization, you alone are responsible for your destiny, follow these steps…”. But every time we promptly ignored that part of their teachings. Even in spirituality we want crash courses and fast food. We want techniques which will give us Nirvana in a month if not a week.

Anyway, now that the daydream of overconfidence and delusion was also over, I started thinking ‘What next?’. I have now seen both the extremes leading to blunder. Now let me follow the middle path. Let me find out what could be my first baby step.

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