45. Losing My Mind...

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I was on Vinnetar. It was a number of asteroids floating together as a group and each asteroid was considered to be a different country or a continent of that planet. I belonged to a country named Glowk which was quite a tiny asteroid. I was a young man and I clearly remembered going to school in that planet. They had taught how Vinnetar was formed some millions of years ago (they used different units of time), the great legacy of the planet, how evolution happened on Vinnetar etc. I don't quite remember the exact physics of that universe, but in that universe some of the celestial bodies displayed gravitational attraction and some others had gravitational repulsion. I had parents, a home to be called as mine and a job. Everyone called me 'Snybir Aupt', that was my name. Whenever someone asked me "Who are you?" I said "I am Snybir, son of so and so, I live in so and so place".

And then all of a sudden I was on a planet called Earth. My name was different, my face was different, my parents were different and my language was different. I clearly remembered going to school on Earth and learning about how Earth was formed, the history of Earth, the laws of the Universe etc. Now when someone asked me "Who are you?", my answers were totally different. I was now 'Vasudeva Rao' with a different address. Although I still hazily remembered being on Vinnetar, I believed that it was just a dream. I said to myself that all that on Vinnetar was just imaginary - my name, parents, going to school on that planet and everything else. Now, being on Earth, the language I spoke on Vinnetar looked weird, the laws of physics of that universe looked amusing. Gravitational repulsion of that universe looked so irrational! I smiled to myself for dreaming so eccentrically and "It was just a dream that ran for few minutes" I said, and ignored everything about it.

I was on Vinnetar again. I vaguely remembered Earth and my identity in it. But now, I said to myself that Earth was a dream. The language and living habits on Earth looked very funny. A universe running on Gravitational attraction alone (without repulsive gravity) looked illogical. I just pushed all of it aside saying that it was just a vague dream that ran for few moments. I said to myself that all that on Earth was just imaginary - my name, parents, going to school on that planet and everything else. But then something amusing happened.

A man I came across at my workplace greeted me "How are you Vasudeva Rao?"

Although I distantly remembered that name I did not fully relate to it. I said "Vasudeva? I am Snybir, Snybir Aupt".

But his smile made it quite obvious that he was sure of what he was speaking. Now he said "Oh really? I met you on Earth and you said you were Vasudeva Rao."

Earth? When he said this, the dream I had about Earth occurred to me. How on Vinnetar does he know about my dreams? And that too my dream name as well! Even I had forgotten about it. I thought he was some mystic mind reader belonging to some cult and simply smiled at him, a smile that was tainted by the fear of the unknown. With that smile I replied to him "No Sir, my name is Snybir Aupt, I can guarantee".

But he did not seem to quit so easily. He asked about my Earth parents, my Earth school, my Earth job and everything else I knew from Earth. I freaked out and asked him if he had special powers to read minds. But he pushed aside all such comments and talked casually as if Earth was a neighboring country. I too pushed aside all his questions and denied everything saying that it was all imaginary and was just a dream. But I was all the time wondering how he could know all about my dreams.

I was on Earth again. Now I broke into laughter for fearing that mystic mind reader in my dreams. Obviously he was my own creation in my dream and so it was only me who made him ask those questions. He was just a projection in my dream. There was nothing mysterious in what he asked. It was just all my own dream. I heaved a sigh of relief and carried on with my Earth life.

But what followed after this, shook me up forever.

A man meets me at the market on a Sunday and greets me "Hello Snybir Aupt, how are you?"

I stand dumbstruck, unable to answer anything. This has gone way too beyond common sense. And he asks me again "Snybir, don't you remember me? I met you on Vinnetar".

I somehow recover and say "I am... Vasudeva"

He laughs heartily and says "What is this? You guaranteed to me that your name was Snybir!"

Me - "What you are speaking of is my dreams. How on earth do you know about my dreams? I am freaking out. Do you have supernatural powers?"

Man - "Wherever I meet you, whether Vinnetar or Earth, you seem to freak out. Am I that scary? As a matter of fact, I am freaking out. You give totally different answer each time and you swear on both of them! You asked the same questions on Vinnetar as well - how I knew your dreams and if I was supernatural. And there you said that your Earth life was a dream. Which one is true? That or this?"

"This is true. Don't you see? You are on Earth. This is real"

"You told exactly the same on Vinnetar. You said 'Don't you see, you are on Vinnetar, this is real'"

"Come on, look around you. These people are real, these streets, trees are all real. Don't you see them and feel them?"

"You told exactly the same on Vinnetar"

"What man! I have been here for years. I can take you to my parents who know me since my birth."

"You told exactly the same on Vinnetar"

"What same thing, same thing? Come on, touch my hand. Don't you feel me? I am real!"

"You told exactly the same on Vinnetar. I touched your hand there also."

"Vinettar was just a dream you idiot"

"You told exactly the same on Vinettar. 'Earth was just a dream you moron'"

"Shut up, this is enough"

" You told exactly the same on Vinettar!"

I was afraid, angry and tired with this discussion. I sat down on a stone bench to take a few deep breaths. The man had not left yet. I calmed myself down and said:

"Look. Forget about that stupid Vinettar. I am now on Earth and my name is Vasudeva. Do you think I am lying? Please tell something apart from 'You told exactly the same on Vinettar'"

"No you are not lying. But you are not telling the truth either"

"How can that be? You are not making sense."

"Here on Earth, you must have learnt a little bit of Samskrita, haven't you?"

"Yes, I know some basic things"

"There are two words for truth in Samskrita - Rita and Satya. Why do you think there are two words?"

"I don't know. I think both mean the same."

"No, they don't. Rita means a limited truth of one dream and is valid within that dream alone. Satya is the universal truth which is valid across all dreams."

"Explain"

"Now you say so many things about your Earth life. None of them is a lie, but they are not Satya either. They are only Rita. What you are saying is valid only within this realm. Similarly, you speak about your Vinettar life while within that dream. Again you speak only Rita, not Satya."

"Then what is Satya?"

" You talked to me on both Vinettar and Earth and you gave answers to my questions. Questions were the same both the times. But all your answers varied. You showed a different body as yours, different parents, different house. But something is common across both the dreams. Can you tell what it is?"

"I have gone blank, I do not know if I am dreaming or awake. You tell."

"You! You are common for both the dreams. You are Satya. Your existence is the universal truth."

I recovered a little and questioned back "What about you? You are also common across both my dreams. So, are you also some universal truth? Why are you here and what do you want?"

"I was hoping you can tell that"

"How do I know what you are and what you want?"

"Now on Earth, you say that Vinettar was just your own mental projection. So you accept that I, on Vinettar, was just a mental projection. And when you are on Vinettar, you will say that Earth was your mental projection. And you will accept that I, on Earth, is just a mental projection. So, it seems like you have a common answer in both the places - I am your mental projection. It must be the Satya."

"What the hell man? This is all real. This Earth, people in it and everything else. Are you saying that I am projecting all this from my mind (showing my brain)? You are nuts"

"You told exactly the same on Vinettar, about Vinettar. You freaked out when I said that you are projecting Vinettar and everything in it. But wasn't that the truth? Now you happily accept that Vinettar was your own creation. Similarly, there you happily accept that Earth was your mental projection. Then what is the problem in accepting the same thing now? And by the way, now you are showing this brain here, but there you showed me some other brain in another body. How many brains do you have? hahahaha"

"Wait a minute. I looked completely different in both the places. Then how is it that your are able to recognize me?"

"Am I recognizing you, or are you making me recognize you? I am just your mental projection, remember? Do people in your dreams have their own will and wishes? Or is it that they are as how you want them to be?"

"How can this be? You are talking nonsense. Vinettar was all inside this brain. But this Earth, how can it be my projection?"

"So, Earth is all inside that brain on Vinettar? hahaha. You said so yourself on Vinettar!"

"Oh My God, I am going crazy"

"You are showing a brain and thinking that the brain is you. That is absolutely wrong. Earth is not inside Vinnetar brain, nor is Vinnetar inside Earth brain. The fact is that both are in you and from you. They are just two dreams of you. You are not the brain and body of the dreams. You are not the names and forms of your dreams. You are just you. Dreams do not affect you at all, but while in the dream you begin to feel that the dream world and dream identity is everything. So, you start feeling miserable and want to protect your dream identity at any cost."

I was in state of utter confusion. "I am losing my mind" I said.

"Perfect. You will have to first lose that to know what you really are. Mind is your obstacle."

Unable to understand what he spoke towards the end, I had just become still like a stone. "I cannot... what you are speaking... " I mumbled.

"You will.. one day find out who you really are. That is inevitable."