44. I Am Irony Incarnate

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In the name of Spirituality, for years, I light lamp in front of a colorful photo of 'God' so sincerely everyday; I decorate the photo with flowers and perform worship so promptly; I perform homas and fill my house with smoke several times a year without fail; I visit temples and get coconuts and bananas so regularly.

In the name of Yoga, for years, I twist and bend my body relentlessly; I try to regulate my breathing by holding nostrils and producing sounds like 'Om'; I sit and stare at the tip of my nose until my eyes start paining; I close my eyes and sit still for half an hour everyday.

In spite of doing all this for years... I get upset when a dish which I like is not available, I get irritated if there is a little less salt in the food, I am unhappy if my name was not called first for appreciation. But still, I do not give up the above practices of 'Spirituality' and 'Yoga'. I continue, on and on, for years, till death. Practices go on, and anger/jealousy etc also go on. What a Karma Yogi I am! I am least bothered if my practices have brought any change in me! Strictly following Krishna's message of "Karmanyevaadhikaaraste", I practice for the sake of practice and I am least bothered about the results! I perform all those activities without expecting any change in me! Wah! This is the pinnacle of Karma Yoga. This aspect of Karma Yoga, even Krishna did not think of!

If I look at it this way, all saints and seers are so selfish! They wanted results from their spiritual practices, they expected to see changes in the behavior of their mind. They were so much Karmaphala oriented. But look at me, I am so detached from the results of my practice! Even if my habits do not change even to the slightest degree, I am least bothered, I do not stop my practices. This is perseverance personified! I am Karma Yoga embodied!

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I read and read. I listen and listen. My brain has become a warehouse of spiritual texts. Vedas, Puranas, Mahabharata, Ramayana... you name it and I know it. I know the morals and messages of all these texts. I know what is true Jnana, true Bhakti, real Yoga. I give discourses to people about spirituality. I guide them towards the right meaning of the texts. Everyone reveres me. I am a 'spiritual' personality for the society.

In spite of all these... I chant Hanuman Chalisa everyday mostly with a desire that it will give me success in return. I offer 100 Rupees not as service but with the hope that I will get 1000 in return. Learning and preaching goes on. My greed-filled devotion and fear-filled rituals also go on. I am least bothered if I am myself following the messages of the scriptures. My primary concern is that others should follow them. What a Tyaagi I am! Whole day I preach the right path to others and I want them to grow higher in spiritual path. Whole day I comment on and correct others. But I do not want to practice anything, I do not care for my own spiritual growth. Can there be a higher Tyaagi than me? Really wonderful.

If I look at it this way, all saints and seers were so much self-centered! They practiced everything themselves whether or not others practiced. For them their practice was primary and others' practice was optional. But for me others' practice is primary, and my practice is totally irrelevant. I am Tyaga manifested as flesh and blood!

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I say "I live life as per my wish, I do not care for what others say about me". I say "I don't like him, I do not care for what he says". But I always care for others' opinion about me, and in particular, I care the most about my enemy's opinion. I earn more money so that others, and in particular he, can think high of me. I want to own a house so that I can get recognized by others and him. In my social interactions, I very carefully maintain my dignity so that I become respectful in the eyes of others and particularly that person whom I do not like. I undergo so much of stress for others' and his sake that I even end up with Hypertension and Cholesterol problems. Eventually I also undergo a heart surgery. Even here, I make sure that the surgery is carried out in the most expensive hospital, so that my status in others' and his eyes is not damaged. Can there be a higher form of love than this? All my activities performed with the hope that I can impress all others and particularly my enemy! I even tear open my heart (for surgery of course) for the sake of my enemies and others. I walk, talk, dress and do everything else in such a dignified manner primarily with the intention of maintaining my worth in others' mind. I almost live my entire life as how others around me want me to live. I am so honestly following "Love your enemies". What a great kind heart I am! This aspect of love, perhaps even Jesus the Christ did not think of!

If I look at it this way, all saints and seers were so unloving! They hardly cared for people who did not like them. They were fully negligent about others' opinion about them. They least bothered if someone commented on them. They lived fully as they liked, and not at all as how others wanted them to live. Their entire focus was to have a peaceful life for themselves. How selfish! But look at me, how kind I am! I live fully as how others want me to live. I give up my wishes of a peaceful life and I undergo so much stress for the sake of satisfying others. I am love come alive!

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No Wait, on second thoughts... I Am Irony Incarnate
Hmm... On Second second thoughts... I Am Idiocy Incarnate

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This post is inspired by the following incident recorded in "Autobiography of a Yogi".

A disciple says to Nagendra Natha Baduri “Guruji, you are extraordinary. You have renounced wealth and pleasures of the world for seeing God” for which Baduri Mahashaya says “You have upturned the fact! I gave up only the infinitesimal (money and pleasures) to gain infinite bliss. Is that renunciation? In fact, the renunciation by the worldly materialists is true renunciation, they are real Tyagis. Just for a handful of material toys, they give up the eternal and infinite spiritual wealth!”