42. Where Am I?

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Jnana Yoga only takes up questions that are happily ignored although they are right in front of us, or it analyzes the dumb answers given to certain questions that have been taken for granted. There are several, and we will look at them one by one in the coming posts. This post deals with one of them.

The feeling of awareness is always whole. There is nothing like '1/2 I Am' or '0.1 I Am'. This existence 'I Am' is always whole. Now the question is this. Where within my body is this feeling arising? If I say it is the brain as a whole, then, when a part of the brain is cut out, then the 'I Am' awareness should reduce proportionally. This is absurd. So, I will have to ask - where exactly in the brain is this feeling arising? I want to pin point my Self, my being. Is it arising in one of the billions of neural networks? So, am I just a mesh of 100-200 neurons? Is that my source being?

If I am a combination of several neurons, then what is the difference between storing an 'apple' in a neural network and storing 'me'? Evidently I access all other information. So, does it mean that one neural network is accessing all others? Now that looks ridiculous. It is equivalent to saying that 'I Am' is a 100 line computer program which is programmed to access/manage billion other programs! Fantastic but foolish!

Also, if I am a neural network in the brain, then I must have certainly pointed out myself as being there. But no, I point towards the chest to say 'I Am'. I never point towards the head when I say 'I Am'.

So, then, am I the heart? I mean the organ heart? But that organ looks very dumb! It is just a 4-stroke pump. I am that?! No, no, I wish not! This pump cannot possibly be accessing and managing all the information in the brain!

Then where the hell am I? I am not able to pin point my Self! Sigh, I hope that a scientist will one day be able to pin point 'awareness' in the body. Wait, What? I need another person to tell me where I am? This is absolutely outrageous. 'I' is not able to pinpoint its own location! All the intellectual arguments above is only to prove that intellect cannot give any answer. Now this has become an enquiry. A sense of "?" about its own source. Generate this "?" (related to 'Where Am I') when you say 'I Am'. This is another "?" that can grow strong over time.

Where Am I?

FYI - Along with 'Who Am I', this is another powerful enquiry that was suggested by Ramana Maharshi to seekers.