41. Reconciling Jnana and Bhakti - "?" Giving Way To "♥"

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Did you grow food? Meaning did you teach earth on how to grow grains, fruits and vegetables? Or did you just use them after they grew 'somehow'?

Did you put any effort to create your body in anyway? Or did you just use it after it got formed 'somehow'?

Did you create hunger? Or did you just respond to the feeling of hunger which came up 'somehow'?

Did you create the urge to eat? Or did you just respond to this urge which is present 'somehow'?

Did you design the stomach and the digestive system on how to digest food and produce energy? Or are you just using this energy from digestion which is happening 'somehow'?

Did you teach the cells in your body on how to use this energy? Or are you just performing some work through the limbs from this energy which is utilized 'somehow'?

Did you create the urge to use your limbs to perform some work? Or are you just flowing with this urge which is present 'somehow'?

Elaborating the last question: suppose you got up and walked a few steps now. Did you create that urge and intention to walk? Or did you just flow with an urge which came up 'somehow'?

Did you manufacture the feelings of love, anger etc? Or did you just flow with them after they came up in you 'somehow'?

Did you anytime decide that you will bring up a particular thought and think about it? Or did you always just flow with a thought after it came up 'somehow'?

Even if you supposedly decided to think/do something, did you decide to decide a particular thought/action? Or did you just flow with a decision that came up 'somehow'?

When someone wished you "Hi", did you respond with a "Hi", or did you just flow with an urge from within which asked you to say "Hi"? When you say "I am bored", do you mean that you generated the boredom and felt it? Did you decide "I will now feel boredom" or did you somehow feel it? When you were happy, angry, restless, jealous etc., did you create those feelings or did you somehow feel them?

Flowing with the decisions that somehow flash, flowing with the urge of actions and thoughts that somehow surface, flowing with the feelings that somehow arise, using the energy that is somehow being produced by digestion and somehow being utilized by the cells, responding to hunger and the urge to eat which are somehow present, and finally eating the food that is somehow grown, I say "I live". Surrounded by an army of 'somehow', I still proclaim that "I do everything, I am the doer". Evidently, this is also a thought that is somehow coming up which I am simply flowing with. Now I wonder, "If everything is happening somehow, then what is it that I am doing, if at all I am doing something?" And then I notice, this thought too is somehow coming up. I did not intend to generate it. It somehow came up and I am just flowing with it. This has to be the logical end, where I somehow wonder how everything is being done somehow!

But now, the logical me is fed up; because logic is seeing that logic itself is not manufactured by me! I somehow used logic after it somehow came up! Sigh! So, it is now saying "There has to be something that is managing all these activities which you have blindly and dumbly labeled as 'somehow'". I cannot help but feel a strong attraction towards this 'something' that is managing all these 'somehow', in summary everything. "?" is giving way to "♥". Logic is giving way to devotion, enquiry is giving way to surrender.

I cannot help but feel like a piece of ice floating on the gigantic ocean. An ice piece, which, from one perspective (of seeing the whole) is verily the ocean itself; and seen from another perspective (of seeing as an individual piece), is fully being controlled by the ocean. Ocean is one whole. The ice-piece identifying itself as a small part separate from the ocean is also the ocean, the waves which are tossing the ice piece up and down is also the ocean, and the rest of the ocean is also the ocean. There is nothing but the ocean.

Ice piece says "I went up, I went down", whereas it is only flowing with the turbulent waves. I say I have free will, I fight, win-lose, laugh-weep, I create so much fuss, I say I do not surrender to anything! Whereas this is all only flowing with the turbulent part of ocean! It is not the ice-piece that is doing it, but it is only the ocean that is making it do it!

Then the ice-piece says "I feel peaceful, serene", whereas it is only floating on the calm part of the ocean. Free from turbulence, it now starts seeing the vastness of the ocean and helplessly admires the ocean. I never created peace or serenity, but simply felt it when it somehow came along. Then I somehow start seeing the hand of a higher power and the vastness of it. As a result, helplessly I begin to admire this higher power. Again, it is not the ice-piece that is doing it, but it is only the ocean that is making it do it!

Then finally, as the ice-piece begins to melt, it begins to identify itself with the ocean. I understand that what I was calling as 'I' till now was just a form in that ocean, like a piece of ice, whereas the real 'I', the only 'I' is the ocean alone. Ocean is one whole, the only 'I'. Ice piece was never different from the ocean, I was never different from That. The 'I' sense (ego) of the ice-piece was a drama, temporary and existed only as long as the form of ice existed. And now when I understand this, I see that my notion 'Ocean controlled me' was wrong! I was verily the ocean, my separation from it only being a play.

Now the ice-piece, not yet melted fully, enjoys this play. Knowing very well its oneness with the ocean, it enjoys to act as if it is separate from it, and then says "I am ocean's servant, I surrender to the ocean". Knowing very well that it IS the ocean, it says for fun "Ocean controls me, ocean takes care of me".

But did surrender happen only in this last stage? Not at all. Whether I create fuss and say 'I do not surrender', whether I pray 'Give me this give me that', whether I simply admire the ocean, or whether I start identifying myself with the ocean and melt in it, all of these activities were only controlled by the ocean. Thus, surrender always is. There is nothing left to surrender. I can only understand that I have already surrendered! Surrender cannot be "done", it simply and always is. I have to only realize that I have already surrendered. Oops! That realization is also the wish of the ocean! Damn it! Is there nothing that I can do then? What is it that I can do as the ice piece? I can just be. Yes! This is the only thing I can do - 'Be'! As 'I Am', aware. Nothing can make me void of this!

Seeker - "Are only prominent things predetermined, or even trivial things like walking from here to there?"

Ramana Maharshi - "Even trivial things"

Jnana Yoga perspective	Bhakti Yoga perspective	And the Deluded
Seeing the whole ocean as one	Seeing the ice piece as different from the ocean knowing very well that it is one	Believing that the ice piece is entirely different from the ocean
I am the Ocean	I am an insignificant Ice Piece	I am a significant Ice Piece
I am everything	I am nothing	I am something
I am infinite	I am infinitesimal	I am finite
I have the ultimate free will	I have absolutely no free will	I have free will
I know everything	I know nothing	I know something
I am completely free	I am a puppet in your hands	I am somewhat free
I am all powerful	I have no power	I have some power
I am the master, I am the servant	I am the servant of the ocean	I want to be the master of everything apart from me
Aham Brahmasmi	Oh Lord, I am a particle of dust on your feet	I am a manager of a company

Both "I am nothing" and "I am everything" are fine. But all the problem is because of "I am something".