59. From Nothing to Something to No-Thing

You may have the notion that you are an individual first, and that only as a consequence you developed the idea of 'mine'. This is because 'me' is assumed to be a certain concrete entity, whereas 'mine' is merely a process — an act of assertion and defense. So one unconsciously favors the notion that the concrete entity 'I' came into being first, and then 'I' developed the impulse of defending some other entity as 'mine'. But look into this keenly.

If 'I' am entity X, calling a distinct entity Y as 'mine', what about X? Is X also mine? We are necessitated to say 'Yes', because if X is not mine, if I am not mine, then how can I assert anything else as mine? But if X is mine, then how is X any different from Y? That which is mine is intuitively understood as something apart from me. If X is mine, how can it be 'me' at the same time?

We can posit many things here and write a philosophical paper to argue that X is both me and mine. But nevertheless, something seems off. We do sense that at the very core, it cannot be that 'I' defend a distinct 'mine'; at some point 'I' and 'mine' have to converge. But this does not seem to work out coherently if we start with a concrete 'I' into which 'mine' eventually converges. So, can it be the other way round? Can it be that 'mine' is first into which 'I' converges? Can it be that at the core there is no concrete entity at all?

What does this mean? This means that at the very core, the very impulse of defense IS 'me'.  A claim 'mine' of nothing IS 'me'. The very resistance IS the individual—the 'original sin', the first error, a defense of nothing, a dummy claim, a resistance towards existence for the sake of nothing, upon which accrues all the paraphernalia, giving rise to a complex personality. The great show that is put up upon this nothing makes it look like there is indeed something very precious at the core ('soul' and the like), and the individual accrues more and more protective layers upon it (including 'spiritual' layers), and becomes more and more defensive in a vicious manner, resisting the rest of the existence, and becoming increasingly constipated.

But this very hardening cracks it one day, giving a glimpse of the idiocy of the whole affair. A longing to end the drama, a force to counter the stagnant fortress, rises, not resting until the whole structure is dissolved.

Defending nothing comes into being some-thing

And dissolving that something remains the Being that is No-Thing

23. Part 1 - The Ascent

<< Previous - Bed Time Stories

From bits and pieces of information that flowed from different people and books, I have written a story below. This story will show that self-enquiry is not dry, but will lead to such colorful stories ;) Self-enquiry sometimes gets diverted into big-time dreaming! And this is what we can munch before going to bed ;)

Just a few details before we go into the story. A river named Saraswati is mentioned at several places in the Vedas and some Puranas. Rigveda goes to the extent of saying "Saraswati is the best river, best mother and best Goddess". It has mention of people crossing this river in ships - such big was this river. There were supposed to have been battles that took place between the people living on either banks of this huge river. Where was this river and where is it now? Indians blindly believed the stupid Aryan invasion theory written by a westerner, and put it even in school text books. It is only recently that some real fact-finding research has been undertaken (and real facts of older researches have been revealed) and the glory of ancient India is coming to light.

Satellite images have revealed that a huge river still flows several miles underneath Rajasthan. And there are sufficient evidences now to know that it is the river Saraswati. A book was published in 2010 "The Lost River: On the Trail of the Saraswati" giving details of the research findings. Saraswati was flowing majestically once upon a time, in today's Rajasthan desert, and nourished its children for several millennia towards the immortal knowledge - the knowledge of the Self.
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Thousands of years ago, on the banks of river Saraswati, a civilization flourished and reached the pinnacles of glory. Their science was developed so much that they could even travel to different worlds and communicate with extra terrestrials. Today, science means going to a lab and doing an experiment. No doubt, this is one way of scientific development. But this is not the only way of scientific development. The Saraswati civilization had developed science in their own way and were quite advanced in technology. The secret behind their success was its sustainability – unlike today’s science which only sucks and slowly drains nature, their science was in tune with nature and harnessed all the potentials of nature without disturbing the balance of ecosystem. That is why the civilization could sustain for a few thousand years without any sort of disruption.

They had discovered Surya Vijnana (the science of the Sun) which deals with subtle cosmic rays. They found two primary types of rays – Solar and Lunar. They are not to be understood as merely sun rays and moon rays. They were not the normal electromagnetic rays of light. The rays belonged to a subtler realm and the names given – Solar and Lunar - were based on the characteristics of these subtle rays. Same as how you give title names to a person based on his characteristics. Then they found permutations and combinations of these two rays giving rise to several different types of rays. Same as how electron, proton, neutron permuted differently give rise to different elements. All physical objects and manifestations, they found to be made up of combinations of these rays.

Each manifestation at physical level has a corresponding ray-signature at subtle level. For e.g. water has a particular ray-signature, dryness another signature etc. Each living entity – human, animal, plants etc – all have specific energy signatures of their own. And within one species, again there will be variation in energy signatures. For e.g. rose plant will have a different energy signature than a banyan tree. They found that fire can be used as a medium to manipulate the energy signature of the surrounding environment as a whole. They did experiments after experiments and found what plants, what type of oils can manipulate water content in the atmosphere and produce rain. These plants and oils were burnt in fire and consequently a particular energy signature would become rich in that region. This will slowly manifest in the physical world as rain. Rain was the primary focus, but not the only energy signature that they learnt to manipulate. They had learnt to regulate all of nature’s forces through different types of Yajnas.

You may ask “What is the need to regulate nature? Will it not work perfectly if left alone?”. Well, yes. Plant and animal kingdoms are programmed and they live almost without choice. So, they do not harm nature and the nature-regulation will evolve very slowly over thousands of years. But human beings got the power of intellect and free choice. Currently our generation is using the intellect to disturb the balance of nature and degrade the evolution and regulation of nature. So, that makes up two possibilities – maintain as it is (animals and plants) and inhibition (current civilization). Then why can’t the third possibility be explored? Why can’t human beings, with their intellect, catalyze the regulation of nature and make it evolve towards perfection faster? That is what Saraswati civilization tried to do. They tried to make nature more beautiful and well regulated through their efforts. Because finally it is only going to help the inhabitants in their struggle towards perfection. Their science was more of common sense than complicated logic.

This way they had used science and common sense to make a better living in harmony with nature. Then they found that regulating the nature alone was insufficient to make them feel secure and self-assured. Something was missing. They realized that if people constrict themselves into smaller groups, they invariably get to face extremes of good and bad. Whereas if the group is big and the whole society lives as one family, complementing each other in all the needs and difficulties, then the fluctuation of fate reduced. Thus, they added ‘Dana’ to all the vaidika karmas that they performed. If some needy are not given money, food etc then the vaidika karma was not considered complete. It was made a mandatory part (Refer Rationale Behind Service).

This constituted the initial part of the Vedas – the Karma Kanda. It promotes primarily two things – Rituals and Service. Rituals were designed using Surya Vijnana to bring harmony between man and nature. And service was promoted to bring harmony between man and man, so as to boost oneness.

This way positivity was boosted by using two basic entities – common sense and service attitude. A sect of people was assigned only this duty – boosting positivity in the society – and they were called the Brahmanas. They performed Yajnas on behalf of the society. They did not accumulate wealth. But society took care of them with respect. Kshatriyas were given the charge of protecting the society through proper administration and Vaishyas looked after business, banking and trading. All the remaining miscellaneous professions were categorized as Shudras – From doctors, engineers, sportsman, actors to sweepers and servants.

This continued well for several hundreds of years. The beautiful harmony and positivity built in their society catalyzed their mental evolution to a great extent. And slowly, people began thinking about the meaning of life, ‘Who Am I’ etc. Since there was nothing whatsoever to worry about in their wonderful society, most of them could peacefully contemplate and enquire about deeper concepts of spirituality. The question ‘Who Am I’ became very strong in some of them. Just as how Ramana Maharshi got pulled into the strong current of Self-Enquiry and got the answer in a flash, many got pulled into it and found the answer to this ultimate question ‘Who Am I’. This was the culmination of all their science and efforts. Many of them wrote down their experiences and that became the later part of the Vedas – the Upanishads or the Jnana Kanda.

These people proclaimed that it is only for Self-Realization that everybody and everything exists. There is no other purpose for life. It was the most blissful, most powerful, most free state and the entire experience couldn’t be put in words. They said it can only be experienced. This became the hot topic of the times, just as how money is the hot topic now. Everyone wanted to desperately attain that state and know their Self. Several conversations between an aspirant and a Guru were also recorded and added as Upanishads. “Self-Realization”, “Brahman”, “Atma” these words echoed throughout the cities and forests. Thousands and thousands of people were so eager that they were ready to give up anything to attain that state. Money was not heard of anywhere! It was just there as an entity of transaction, but hardly spoken about by the people! Most of them were least bothered about accumulating money. They were happy with whatever they had. A person going after excessive money was thought to be an eccentric “What is wrong with him? What will he get with money?” was the notion. Same as how people today say “What is wrong with him? What will he get with spirituality?”.

The design of the entire system was such that Durga (Power - Kshatriyas) and Lakshmi (Money - Vaishyas) should finally aid their sister Saraswati (Knowledge - Brahmanas). The final goal was always Saraswati, with Lakshmi and Durga being secondary and assisting factors. Any activity was considered meaningful only if it supplemented Saraswati, knowledge of the Self. Else it was considered useless. Same as how today anything is considered meaningful only if we can get some money out of it. The question ‘What is the use?’ in today’s world relates to money. But in those days the same phrase related to knowledge, knowledge of the Self. “Why should I do this? Will it take me closer to Self-Enquiry?” was the slogan. Thus, the river, which was the backbone of their survival was also named as ‘Saraswati’. The vital nourishment they received from the river Saraswati was symbolic of the nourishment they received from knowledge of the Self.

When a vessel of water is heated, although the water is getting heated as a whole, all the water will not evaporate at once. First only one bubble will form. Then another and so on. One by one bubbles will rise up and then evaporate into the air. Similarly, although the entire society was peaceful and serene, first only a few bubbles escaped. Only a few got into the quest and realized their Self. But they understood that their realization was the product of the whole society’s effort. The water bubble is formed due to the selfless convection of water molecules within the vessel. No water molecule will stay at the bottom and say “I will receive more heat and escape fast”. But there is a continuous convection of molecules within the vessel to see to it that heat is uniformly distributed throughout the water content. Finally, one bubble gets formed first – and that is the product of the effort of all the selfless molecules of water. The bubble should be thankful to the entire water content for enabling its formation by heat convection.

Similarly, not all of the society got into Self-enquiry all at once. It was like the gradual boiling of the water. Some got realized first. And they promptly noticed that the whole system is working as a whole. They knew that their realization was the fruition of the effort of the whole society. Most of them remained amidst society and guided the remaining bubbles towards freedom. And in turn, these realized people were the most revered of all in the society. They never asked for anything from anybody. They just lived with what came to them unasked and took only as much as they needed for the basic survival of the body. Serving them was considered to be the most important duty of a householder, who is still in the process of getting boiled in spirituality. Householders, by following the injunctions of Karma Kanda (scientific rituals and loving service), would one day naturally be pulled into the current of self-enquiry.

- Continued

21. Hide and Seek

<< Previous - Free Fall

Self is already realized. You only have to know that you are Self-Realized. You have to only remove the notion that you are not Self-realized.

“Aghh… I will agree to some extent with all the 20 posts that you have written till now. But not this. Do not dump some nonsense statements on me! Just because you wrote some logical arguments to explain several concepts till now, you cannot sneak in some unreasonable statements and expect me to accept them.”

Chill chill! No statement made in the blog will go unexplained. Not just explaining with some goody goody, decorative and impractical speeches as in religious discourses, nor explaining with some unending, meaningless and boring philosophical jargon. But we shall look at it with pure common sense and try to understand and see the practical implication. That was the very purpose of this blog. To revive common sense ;)

I go to a star hotel to have a grand buffet lunch. 60 food items are lined up just for greedy people like me. I am actually going crazy inside, I do not know what to eat and what to leave. I want to taste everything. Now I see a peculiar dish with a strange name that I have not heard till now, say ‘Bul Bul Boiler’. Its aroma is exotic and its looks are irresistible. I am very hungry and like how the tiger pounces on a deer, with all my animal instincts in full force, I serve myself with four big spoons of that dish. With a plate overflowing with food, and with a drooling mouth, I come, sit down and begin to eat. I first taste this Bul Bul Boiler, my most awaited item. But the moment I taste it, I know that I hate it. “This is so horrible” I exclaim. I continue eating other dishes and in the end, leave the mysterious dish untouched.

Suppose my friend who is with me asks “Hey why are you throwing so much of food?”, I have a reason ready “That item is horrible”. My friend says “Oh, it was not so bad as you say”. I say “Huh, you like and eat all dishes, actually that dish was not even worth tasting. I do not know why they even prepared this dish. Everybody will only throw this”.

But my conscience is pricking me all the while, I know that it was my mistake that I served myself too much just because of my greed. But now that my friend has questioned me, I am growing restless. I want to prove to others that it is not my mistake. I go to the manager and criticize the food. And to cover up further, I also criticize the hospitality and hygiene of the hotel. I point out one small mistake of the poor waiter as a big crime. The manager is very experienced and he knows all this stupidity of the customers. He acts as if he is very sorry for the great sin the hotel management has committed. I do the vote of thanks “Ok, It is alright” and end the proceedings of the day (Everybody thinks that he who ends the conversation and has the last say is the winner). After all my drama, I look at my friend with a smile of victory. I have successfully buried my mistake using my sharp wit. I am very content and I walk with my chest up.

But then… Who cheated who? Who beat who? Who hid the truth from who? Don’t I know that mistake was mine? Don’t I know that I was the one who was blind with greed? The dish may be of a peculiar taste liked by some people. After all, it is a buffet and I am free to serve whatever I want. Did anybody force me and stuff it into my throat?

I used reasoning ability so shrewdly that I argued with others and hid my mistake. But can I hide it from myself? No matter what and how much I argue, don’t I know that finally it was my mistake? Now the question – Are there two Selfs? One that knows the mistake and the other that hides the mistake? No! And Yes! My Self has to be one whole, ‘I’ cannot be two. But apparently there are two, because I am actually trying to hide a fact from myself! Who hides from who? Paradox!

In the process of arguing with others and cheating others, am I actually not cheating my own self? Am I not pushing my own Self away from me? Am I not blocking my own Self from me? This way, I probably cheat myself 20-30 times a day. Layer by layer, inch by inch, I am putting dirt after dirt and covering up my own Self from me. I do not listen to my own Self, I threaten it and I suppress it. And then how can my own Self be transparent and visible to me? And then I say ‘I am not Self Realized, it is very difficult’. Really? Is it difficult? After all what am I going to realize? My own Self! So, just to realize my own self I need help from outside? I need help from scriptures? Is this like getting an M.B.A. degree? Who hid from who and now who is seeking who?

The true Self that we suppress is called ‘Atma Sakshi’ in scriptures. But do we need scriptures to tell us that we have an Atma Sakshi? Isn’t Atma Sakshi another name for ‘Me’? Do we need scriptures to tell us that we exist? Apparently we do, because we have forgotten ourselves. We remember everything else except our true Self. The apparent split Self is explained by the scriptures as the Sun and its reflection. We have been believing that the reflection of the true Self – the ego – is itself the true Self. And we were always busy pleasing the ego and suppressing the true source, the Sun, ever shining and brilliant, Self-evident awareness. Pleasing the ego by suppressing the Self is called as Prajnaparadha in Ayurveda and that, it says, is one of the root causes of diseases. Ayurveda talks of diseases of the body, but if we look at it truly, the biggest disease is cheating ourselves by saying ‘I am this body’, the deepest Prajnaparadha. Because no matter how much we argue with others that I am this body, we ourselves know that deep inside us we are not happy with that answer.

A witty excuse for not practicing Jnana Yoga (the path of Inquiry) is this – “You must have read all scriptures to know philosophy”. Oh! What came first? People or the books? Books gave rise to knowledge or people’s knowledge gave rise to books? And if one person could experience something, why can’t I experience the same? He just wrote his experience in the form of scriptures. What good it will do to me if I just mug up the whole lot and display my ‘scholarliness’? Do I get to know my Self then? All unnecessary distractions. We can use the scriptures, if at all we want to use them, only as validations of our own experiences and revelations. Finally they are meant to be a reference book, not a text book.

Books only remind us what we already know. If one person could experience something, then even I must be able to do it. Universality of its principles is the hard truth of nature. It cannot be different at different times for different people. “Oh him? He was a part-incarnation of Shiva himself. He was God’s embodiment; he had been blessed with special powers. That’s why he could achieve Self Realization”. Oh Yeah? Then what are you? Demon’s incarnation? Did demon curse you and send you here? Is God a birthday cake that he cuts himself and sends portions as special people? Tell all these childish reasons to children. We are fooling ourselves big-time with all possible nonsense and weakness, misusing our brain for all kinds of excuses, and being sharp for all wrong reasons.

And over that we say ‘We are not that sharp, Jnana yoga is all difficult stuff’! We say that Jnana Yoga is only for intelligent people with sharp brain. But just look at the above example of the hotel. Everyone is so unimaginably witty, but for all wrong reasons, for hiding the truth to ourselves. Even an illiterate can be seen putting such sharp reasoning when it comes to protecting his ego. Isn’t intellect sharp in everybody? Wow, it is much sharper than you can even imagine. “I threw the wrapper on the road because there is no dustbin anywhere. No proper administration by the city corporation”, “I didn’t keep the footwear inside the rack because it will be difficult to find when I come back. So I just kept it wherever I wanted”, “I didn’t want to marry, I got married because otherwise my mother will be alone.”. Wah Wah! Who are we fooling? Us or the world?

And why do we do that? There has to be a reason. The reason is that, we believe, very strongly, that we gain something by hiding the truth and cheating. We think that we will lose something if we are straightforward with ourselves. We are no more "integrated" within ourselves, but shattered into many pieces that are always in conflict with each other. All because we think we will lose something if we have Integrity. And that something, which we believe we lose with integrity, is money, dignity, fame and the like. So, just see what have effectively done – we have suppressed our true Self for the sake of gaining something external. And why do we need those external things? To please ourselves. So, I lose my true self to please myself! Will that ever happen? Never!

Just look at all Self-Realized people. Weren’t they the most unassuming, most simple, most straightforward people? Were they necessarily rich or scholarly? And look at the bliss they were in. Nothing can make them unhappy, not even cancer. Because they are absolutely true to themselves, absolutely transparent to themselves – Self-realized. And they said that it is a bliss like no other, knowing Self is the end of all misery. Listen to the Self and follow what it says and then see the energy booming. Inner Integrity is a strength like no other. Positivity will reach the skies in no time.

And is it difficult? If, not throwing a wrapper on the road and keeping it in your pocket is difficult, if not lying to yourself that ‘I threw because there is no dustbin’ is difficult, if listening to and obeying your own true Self’s inner voice ‘Keep the wrapper in your pocket’ is difficult, then Self-Realization is also difficult. If all those are easy, then it automatically means that you are in tune with yourself, and hence Self-Realization has to be easy.

So, finally everything is only for the Self. Everything is only for Self-Realization. ‘Good’ means that which takes you closer to Self-Realization, and ‘Bad’ is that makes you block your own Self from you. All moral and ethical values are only to take us closer to our own Self-realization, not for the sake of some society or world. All that is secondary. The good to the world happens only as a byproduct. Our foremost concern therefore must be knowing our own Self. All the rest will follow on its own. Without knowing my own Self, without coming out of my own misery, how can I ‘help’ the world? It is only a joke! Struggle for Self-Realization is the biggest help we can do to the world around us. Because everything else will follow on its own. Do not run after ants. You become sugar and all ants will come to you!

By lying to ourselves, we create knots after knots, blocks after blocks between our true Self and the reflected Ego. We ourselves move far away from our true self and finally cry “Self-Realization is difficult”. If we undo these knots one by one, in all our daily activities if we are absolutely transparent to ourselves, no matter what we lose – money, dignity – then the final knot will automatically surface “What Am I?”. This final knot is named Hrit-Granthi – the knot of the heart (Self). Now we do not even get that question, although we have not answered it, because there are several knots in queue to be untied on top of this fundamental knot. Once there is Integrity and we start listening to the inner voice (like the Restless Robot), all these superficial knots will get untied in no time. And the final knot will one day suddenly arise ‘What Am I?’, only to get untied soon.

I already know that it is a mistake to throw garbage on the road, I only have to accept that I know that it is a mistake, instead of giving cunning reasons. I only have to remove the wrong notion that I am right in throwing garbage on the road.

Similarly (perhaps, now you may appreciate) – Self is already realized. You only have to know that you are Self-Realized. You have to only remove the notion that you are not Self-realized. ;)

(This statement is made by Ramana Maharshi)

20. Free Fall

<< Previous - Sharpening the Sword of Jnana

This article may further help in sharpening the sword! Read slowly and very carefully. And you may have to read this several times. I have been drinking this brand since several years and still I get the same kick.

Discussion 1

How do you know that you exist?

“Because I can see, hear, touch etc”

Suppose you are (I mean your body) in empty space in total darkness and vacuum. You have been given anesthesia to all the limbs of the body including facial muscles. Now, how do you know that you exist?

“I think, therefore I know I am”

Suppose you are a new born baby who doesn’t know a single word of any language. So, you possibly cannot form any words as thoughts. Now, how do you know that you exist?

“I may not know any language, but I may remember some sound and pictures. So, mind is making some thoughts as sounds and pictures”

Suppose you were born deaf and blind. And you are in the above situation. Now, how do you know that you exist?

“Mind remembers the feel of touch. So mind is thinking about the feel of touch”

Suppose all your limbs were numb from the moment your body was formed, due to some disorder. And you are in the above situation. Now, how do you know that you exist?

“Because I can still feel something”

Feel what? All limbs are numb including face. No sense organ is having any input. Then what is it that you feel?

“I know that I am”

Bingo, you actually know that you are. Not because you see, hear, touch or think. But because you simply are. You are Self-luminous. ‘I think, therefore I am’ is actually ‘I Am, therefore I think’. You do not require anything to tell you that you exist. You know that you exist. ‘I Am’ is a feeling – without words and languages.

‘I Am’ is an absolute feeling that does not require ANY external proof. ‘I Am’ is Self evident Awareness.

 ‘I Am’ is the only true experience.

Discussion 2

‘I Am’ is the only true experience? What about sensual experiences then? Are they not true?

You must be seeing an object in front of you, say a book. How do you see it?

“Light falls on the book. Then book absorbs some part of the light and reflects the rest. That light enters my eyes. The image gets inverted because of the lens and falls on a screen (macula). Light signature is converted into electrical signals and optic nerves carry the signal to the brain center. The brain center interprets the signal and converts back into image. And I see the image”

Ok, great. You are very scientific. But didn’t you notice? You are again back at square one. The last statement that you made put you back to where you started. You said brain center converts the signal back into image. And finally you said ‘I see the image’. Well, that was my question! How is it that you see the image?

“The brain center interprets the signal and I see”

The signal is interpreted back to image. Ok, I understood that. But finally, we are again left with two entities – ‘I’ and the image of the book. What happens between ‘I’ and the image? What is connecting you and the image? You are again saying ‘I see the image’. Well, the initial question itself was ‘How do we see?’. And after all the scientific jargon you finally say ‘And I see the image’! What man! Has your science explained anything?!

No matter how much you struggle to explain, you cannot bridge that gap between ‘I’ and the image. (this is well accepted in neuroscience and is called the 'Explanatory Gap') Think! You have named the connection as ‘seeing’, alright. You went through so much of scientific explanation, finally only to say ‘I see the image’! Ok, I accept the name ‘seeing’. Name is just a name! Naming did not explain anything. I will name it as ‘keeing’. So does it mean I explained it? The question remains unanswered. The same argument holds good for all sense experiences – hearing, tasting, smelling and touching. Science has only helped us to prove our helplessness. That itself is a great help. Proving with certainty that we do not know is a tough task and science has greatly helped us to reach that point. So the question remains:

How is it that you are seeing the image? What is meant by ‘seeing’?

(Later I came to know that this is called the Hard Problem of Consciousness in Western philosophy today. The Hard problem is "Why is brain-function associated with experience? Why are we not zombies?")

Discussion 3

Suppose you are dreaming. In your dream world, suppose you see a book. You see the book as you see it while you are awake. No difference. And while you are in the dream if I ask you ‘How do you see?’ it will lead to the same discussion as given above. The question will remain unanswered.

But now that we are awake (?), we can analyze dream state. And analyzing the dream state will give some answers. Is that dream book actually different from you? Didn’t you yourself project the book and then say ‘I see the book’? So eventually what is happening? You are yourself projecting it out from you, and then you are taking it back into you. The image of the book is coming out from you and going back into you. You do this for several objects throughout the dream. And you call this as ‘seeing’. Same argument holds good for all sense experiences of the dream.

Can seeing in the dream and seeing in the awake state have different mechanisms? Both have to eventually be from the same center – ‘I’. I am a common factor in both states of ‘seeing’. Then the ‘seeing’ of awake state must also follow the same mechanism as that of the dream state.

This implies only one thing:

Seeing the book = I am aware of my own self, as the book

Bewildering! But this is plain logic. This is at least an answer to ‘What is meant by seeing?’. Conclusion 1 is also in tune with this - I am aware of myself without any external aid. So, sense experiences are me being aware of myself as the sense objects. I project out objects and take them back into me with the pretence of sense experiences, just as in the dream. This is the only way we can explain sense experience. Else, as seen before, the gap between ‘I’ and the sense object cannot be bridged.

“So, do you mean that I myself create the world that I see? Impossible. The universe is so vast.”

I not only mean that you create the world, I also mean that you are the entire world. That is why you are capable of being aware of it. When you are inside a dream, you would say that the dream world is very big. You very strongly believe that you are just one tiny body. Within the dream, if someone said ‘Moon does not exist, it exists only if you see it’ will you believe? Does moon always exist in your dream? Does the moon exist in your dream until you look up at the skies? Why moon? Ask this question for all the objects in the dream. Did the wall behind you in the dream exist before you turned and looked at it? What is actually happening? Are you not simultaneously creating them and perceiving them? Are they not coming out from your own Self and being taken back into your own Self? Weren’t you the entire dream?

(Quantum Physics in 1920s pointed at similar conclusions. Although many stubborn physicists are trying to hide it behind mathematical jargon, many prominent physicists did recognize its philosophical implications. See "The Tao of Physics" by Fritjof Capra and "The Dancing Wu Li Masters" by Gary Zukav. The latter was written by a non-scientific writer who consulted many top physicists and summarized the findings of modern physics. It is a good read for non-scientific public)

How big is the dream world? It is only as big as you explore it. Isn’t it? You travel to space in the dream, and say the universe is so big. But did that space exist until you went there in the dream? You create the path and you walk over it! And thus, it is endless. Are you not playing with yourself in the dream? Is this nothing but a game?

The whole dream is you. And only whatever you experience exists. Or rather, you exist as what you experience. You exist as the moon. You exist as the wall. And whatever you perceive, one by one. The transaction between you and the objects were just for fun – ‘seeing’, ‘hearing’ etc – which cannot be explained at all, no matter how much you struggle. Other things that you do not perceive at a given moment do not exist, or rather they exist in their unmanifest seed form within you.

Now the big guns – Jnana Yoga says dream and wakeful states are not different. Exactly the same is happening in the wakeful state as well! How can you prove otherwise? Think of the dream state thoroughly. Will you accept it while you are in the dream? But isn’t that the truth?

Secondly, we concluded that ‘I Am’ is awareness that is aware of itself. What a wonder! A point (or whatever it is) aware of itself? Awareness itself is a big marvel. What is this awareness? And instead of wondering at that we go on researching everything else. All that ‘everything’ is just projections from my own Self. So, know the Self and the whole dream is known in a flash. Realize the dreamer and the whole dream is realized – no need of exploring objects one by one, they are endless projections from your own Self. And how to realize the dreamer? Silly! I am the one who is dreaming! I have to just wonder and enquire about me - 'I'!

Note - The article is only meant to plant a seed. If you try to seriously think, the discussion will go on very deep into you. Reading Ramana Maharshi will greatly help to strengthen this enquiry. His answers, especially related to dream state, will guide the enquiry in the right direction and strike the right chords.

19. Sharpening the Sword of Jnana

<< Previous - Exit From the Endless Excuses

There are several questions in us that do not have satisfying answers. “What is life? What am I doing here? What happens after death? And most importantly who am I?”. Almost everyone asks these questions at least once in their life time. In fact, several times. But we do not get any answers. So, we push them aside and move on. But they never die, they are only postponed. They come again and again, every time we think for a few minutes, the arguments lead to nowhere, we then push the questions aside and carry on with life. What is the solution to this problem of unanswered questions?

The problem is not with the questions, the problem is in the way we are expecting the answers. When we ask such questions, we are expecting answers to come in a way that we want – like in the Q&A section given after each chapter in our school textbooks. Well, that itself is biased. We have absolutely no idea about the answers, then how can we ourselves decide the way answers should come? In the court of law, sometimes we can see shrewd lawyers trapping the accused by asking tricky questions:

Lawyer - “Did you tell the victim ‘I will kill you’ last week?”.

Accused -  “Yes, but we were having drinks and joking…”

The lawyer stops him and says “Answer to the question only. Did you say that to the victim?”.

Accused - “Yes”.

Lawyer – “Please note this point my Lord”

And the judge promptly notes down “The accused said to the victim ‘I will kill you’”!

Stupid, isn’t it? Same thing with philosophy. We say we do not know the truth and at the same time, we want the truth to come out in a specific way that we define. Then how can we guarantee that the entire truth will come out? It may be half baked like the statement of the poor accused above. And then we, like the supreme judge, will sentence the accused to death. We sentence spirituality to death “Spirituality is all bogus. Because it doesn’t give any answers”. How much of prejudice! We are not open to see if there are other ways of getting answers. We are not open to unknown possibilities. We want all answers to come as we define – as written answers on paper.

Answer will come, but not in the way that we are expecting. In spirituality, the derivation methodology can be shared on paper, but not the answer. That is why the terminology used is ‘Realization’, not ‘Understanding’. Why should we be adamant that answers should be put on paper? What is important? The answer, or writing it on paper? Why should we bother if it can be written/explained or not? Our primary concern is getting the answer to ourselves. Telling it to others is secondary. Let us think about that later, there will be plenty of time. First let us ourselves find the answer. To begin with, let us forget about others. Let us stop thinking that we will be the saviors of the suffering mankind by providing some answers. That kind of thoughts is itself a roadblock.

The derivation methodology is Jnana Yoga. Again, as usual, before going into the Dos I want to list some disruptions – Don’ts - in this path. There is a strong tendency in all of us to get into unending and fruitless discussions in the name of spirituality. “What happens to Atma after I die?”, “What is meant by Prana? Does Prana go with the Atma?”, “How Punya and Papa gets stored and where?”. This is a sample set of childish questions that a group of people sit and discuss in the name of spirituality. When you get a chance (I pray that you won’t) to witness such arguments, you just make a note of the beginning of the discussion and then the end of the discussion. You will notice that there will not even be a speck of improvement in anybody’s ideas. All will be braying like donkeys the same thing again and again. All will be talking as if ‘Atma’ is their neighbor and they meet it everyday. They have already decided that they know Atma, Prana etc. Then how can we expect any result out of such discussions? All proud scientific minds of 21^st century!

Vivekananda promptly suggests us all to keep out of all such purposeless talks. Jnana Yoga is not arguing with others. It is arguments with our own self, by taking necessary help from the scriptures, but more importantly from our own experiences. There is another disrupting tendency - to get lost in scriptures and their technical terms. We have to remember one thing always – scriptures (especially Upanishads and the Gita) are the records of experiences. So, the experiences are to be experienced, not to be made a subject of theoretical learning. Sticking to the Samskrita’s technical jargon, mugging up verses to showoff is all childish. Shankaracharya makes fun of this type of empty scholarliness at several places in his works.

Mind cannot leave any item hanging without being categorized systematically. Each thought, each idea has to be categorized, just as how data is categorized into tables in databases. We say we have understood the idea when mind has put the idea into a labeled box. For e.g. I say I understand what is red, because it has been categorized under the heading ‘color’. But the fact is that we neither know what is Red nor do we know what is color. They are just categories and data. No one knows what is the source of color and why there is color. You may say color is because of light, wavelength blah blah. Well, even I have studied all that and that is exactly my question – why is there color in light? And what is meant by color? What is meant by mass? Why mass has gravity pulling towards the center? No answers. We say we have understood, only because we have labeled them and kept it in systematized boxes. Absolute meaning is not known for anything.

When a new idea is formed, immediately mind will try to fit it into already available categories in it. When it fails to do so, it creates a new category and simply keeps it there. The new category may even be something like ‘Miscellaneous’ or ‘Unknown’. But the mind is happy when it puts the new idea into a labeled box. And we begin to believe that the idea is understood. And that is why people talk as if Atma is their neighbor, and Prana their friend. They have read the words in some books, they have categorized and labeled them in their minds, and hence believe that they know it. Ignorance is bliss!

A Jnana Yogi cannot afford to do this blunder. Shake the mind from its slumber. Push the dummy logic out of its comfort zone. Because it has answered nothing in the name of science. It has only hid the truth from us by giving dummy answers. Just look at the dictionary – “Mass is quantity of matter” and “Matter is that which possesses rest mass”. A child may sometimes notice this blunder and question this. But we just say “Mass is mass. What is there to ask?”. Because we don’t even think that it is unknown. Actually the child is a true Jnana Yogi. But soon the child gets used to the adults’ answers, labels it under some category of the mind, and when it grows up it continues the great legacy of it’s elders!

Think, think and think continuously. Shake the mind and fail the dummy logic. You can take ANY thing you want and try to go to it’s roots. Today, science has done one favor. It has provided all the necessary information for us to surely know that we do not know the roots. What mass could be? What electrical charge could be? What space and time could be? Take anything. Question yourself and wonder at it ceaselessly. If it is easy for you, you may directly begin to analyze ‘What Am I?’. Swami Vivekananda may help with his Jnana Yoga lectures. Not that you will get an answer in the traditional way. But because when you wonder with intense curiosity, when you rid yourself of all the dummy answers, eventually the mind goes blank momentarily. And you will feel some strange happiness. On such occasions, you spontaneously meditate! Just look at two samples below:

We say the universe is a result of a big bang. Because scientists noticed that all heavenly bodies are constantly moving away from each other – an expansion. So, at one point in time, the entire universe must have been collapsed at one point – a state of singularity. No space, no time. (Try to imagine and feel the kick). And then, from a point of singularity there was a blast – space and time came into picture. And they say space is continuously expanding like a balloon. Today, we say that the universe is vast, unimaginable etc. Now, just look at the following simple argument. If space itself was created during big bang, if it is space itself that is constantly expanding, then what is outside the big bang balloon? Is there an outside for it? If there is no outside for it, then, relative to what is it big? Big, small is always relative. If there is nothing outside, then what are we comparing it against to say that it is big?

Suppose you are dreaming. How big is the dream? Is there a boundary for the dream space? What is outside the dream space? Before the dream began and after the dream ends, don’t you exist as pure singularity of deep sleep?

This way, when we argue and fail logic, we are actually transcending logic. The sharp arrows of discrimination start piercing the thick skins of slumber and the blazing core slowly becomes visible. Momentarily my mind hangs, and I become aware of true ‘I Am’. All planets vanish for a moment and as a result the self-luminous sun becomes aware of himself. Else he is always busy looking at tiny and infinitesimal planets revolving around him – thoughts.

The above is only a preliminary step. When you repeat this several times, the sun becomes aware of himself, although momentarily, again and again. As a result, without our attention, the categorized but dummy answer ‘I am this body’ starts trembling from its roots. The relationship of this answer with it’s source question ‘Who Am I?’ weakens. And when that happens, the question ‘Who Am I?’ is left hanging in your mind without an answer (no labeled box to hold it, as explained before). So one day, the question ‘Who Am I?’ fires up from within you, and then the powerful current of Self-Enquiry will drag you into it. Then you will no more have to think of space, time etc. ‘Who Am I?’ alone will itself start giving you the blankness and bliss.

Very important note – if you already have the question ‘Who Am I?’ coming up in you, this article is unnecessary for you!

16. And Here We Go...

<< Previous - The Rationale Behind Service

“I am Aware, I am Aware, I have awareness. What is this awareness? Oh! I Am awareness. Then what is the need to define it? ‘I’ define everything else. But how and why do I define that which defines everything else?” a chain of thoughts once gushed. And that was the beginning that changed everything forever. So many things that were taken for granted, so many things that were ignored, surfaced from the great depths.

I am alive, I am aware. I accept that I am aware of my existence. Then do I know where does this awareness spring from? What gives rise to this awareness? And first of all what is awareness? Have scientists found any element or a combination of elements that can become aware of itself? Can it be created in a lab by mixing some things? Oh wait! Why do I need to search it outside? I AM THAT!! Why do I forget this simple fact? Why do I have to search for awareness in a lab, when I AM THAT myself? All I have to do is to search me! Oh wait! ‘I’ is searching for ‘I’? Are there two ‘I’s? One that searches and one that is being searched? Do I have two awarenesses? It can’t be!

What is Self-Realization? Realizing the Self. What is my Self? At this very moment, as I ask this question, am I apart from my Self? Is the struggling Self different from the Self to be realized? Is the questioning Self different from the Self that comes as an answer? Do I have two Selfs? It can’t be. Then what is it that I am struggling to attain? Self is struggling to attain its own Self?

And why didn’t I get this simple question before? Oh! Because whenever I said ‘I’, immediately it was associated with a lump of mass called body. I was content with an answer, although it was wrong, and therefore I never tried to search further. If body is the reason for the awareness, then there cannot be something called death. My dead body should not allow others to burn it.

What? “I think, therefore I am”? I exist because of thoughts? Hmm. But wait, I have a question. Suppose I do not have any thoughts, so does it mean I am absent? Do I become non-existent when I do not think? I have another question. I say ‘I Am’. But suppose I do not know any language. Then how do I think to myself that ‘I Am’? Although the words are absent, the feeling of existence is unbroken, isn’t it? ‘I Am’ are just words, mere sounds without meaning. ‘I’ give meaning to them. ‘I Am’ is a feeling, not mere sounds. It does not require a language for its existence. I simply Am.

I witness everything. The objects (including thoughts) are witnessed by me. I do not become absent if the objects are absent. Sun sees planets around him. He sees them because of his own light. He sees earth and other planets revolving around him. How stupid it would be if the Sun said “I exist because planets exist”? Whose light is enabling visibility of the planets? Thoughts are just like planets that I see. I am not them. I can be without them. They can’t be without me. Sun can be without planets. Planets can’t be without the Sun. I am self-luminous. I don’t need evidence by the objects around me for my existence. I don’t need body or the mind to prove that I exist. I simply Am.

Self Realization then, must be the nearest thing, most obvious thing, simplest thing. What can be more nearer to me than my own Self? Who is it that is trying for realization? The very fact that I am trying means that I am aware of my Self. If I am aware, then that means I know my self. If I know that ‘I Am’ then that means Self is already realized. Then why so much of commotion and fuss about spirituality and Self-Realization?!

Because I think I am not Self-Realized. I think I am a body, very strongly. I, being the pure infinite awareness, want to search for it in the distant skies. I think Self-Realization is like completing an MBA degree. I think it requires a lot of effort. I think it is a thing to be ‘attained’. But I immediately forget the fact that if something is attained then it can be lost as well! So, in that case Self-Realization becomes a temporary thing. Then what is the use of such realization? Thus, it cannot be a thing to be attained. It must already be there, always.

Even if I call it as God, how can God be a complicated entity? If it is a complicated entity, then how can it be God? It must be the simplest, most straightforward, most unassuming thing of all. What could that be? The very thing that is asking the question! ‘I’! ‘I’ am the subject that is always ignored in the maze of objects. The subject, me, without which all objects lose meaning. The researcher, that searches everything and defines everything, including the body and all its organs, but forgets to define himself, the source self. Like the Restless Robot!

The below set of statements best explains the irony. One set is by a spiritual aspirant and another by a wave of an ocean.

I – “I need to get Self-Realized”

Wave – “I need to get ocean-realized”

I – “Self Realization is so difficult. When will I attain God?”

Wave – “Ocean-realization is so difficult. When will I attain the ocean?”

I – “What? I am already God? How can it be! Impossible! I am so limited” (showing the body)

Wave – “What? I am already the ocean? How can it be? Impossible! I am so tiny” (showing the form and shape of the wave)

I – “Oh God, where are you? Why are you not coming? Please guide me to Self Realization?”

Wave – “Oh Ocean, where are you? When will you come and give me darshan?”

I – “Boo hooo… I am so helpless, I am so weak. Please help me oh God… Boo hooo”

Wave – “Boo hooo… I am so small and weak. When will you come to help me, ocean? Boo hooo”

The wave which is already the ocean, thinks it is different, and hence wants to ‘attain’ ocean. How silly! Is there anything to be attained by the wave to be ocean? Does the wave ‘become’ the ocean? Do I ‘become’ Self-Realized? So am I not aware of my self now? If not, then what is asking this question?

Was anything required to be done by the football player in the post ‘The Amazing Conversation’ to realize that he is just playing a game?

Was any effort actually required by the restless robot in the post ‘The Restless Robot’ to realize that it is already that which it is searching for?

So, then what is the problem? Does it mean that nothing needs to be done? No, finally it is only getting rid of the notion that ‘I am’ a body. The notion is so deep that as soon as I utter ‘I’ it is immediately associated with the body. Then follows all the complexities of the poor wave! What is this knot of wrong notion? Oh, the ego. This nonexistent ego, which so assertively seems to exist, makes me feel miserable.

Then how to get rid of something that is actually nonexistent? Ramana Maharshi - “Simple. Search for it. Since it is nonexistent, it vanishes!”. What a genius solution! Search for the source of the ‘I’, and the false ego automatically vanishes. Then what will remain is ‘I’ as it always is, without any attributes, names or forms. So my only effort is to search for my source. The source of the sense of being ‘I’. When the wave searches for its source, its false notion of individuality vanishes. Then what remains is what remains. Pure being. The Ocean, majestic as it always is.

- Continued