62. Nirdhara — If you are Sure you are Dead

Our entire schooling system has trained human mind to come to an answer as quickly as possible. Only the one who gets to the answer the quickest is appreciated and rewarded. Slower ones are always neglected.

The repercussions of this are enormous. Human intellect is now always in a hurry to conclude. The mind has been deeply programmed with the reward-penalty system administered during schooling. Now he thinks that the more quickly he concludes, the smarter he is — a self-conferred reward.

So now he concludes about every bit of life that comes his way, including himself, with reprehensible urgency, and as a result, all possibilities of further enquiry are eliminated. He knows what he is, what others are, what happiness is, what a relationship is, what life is, what death is, what spirituality is, what God is... you name it and he knows what it is (words from books, or some lame logic). So smart!

This kind of arriving at a conclusion as quickly as possible is suitable and needed in analytical and executive fields of life, where an outcome, a decision has to come about as quickly as possible. But having idiotically extended this pattern to all aspects of life, not at all stopping for a moment to reflect deeply upon fundamentals of his life, including 'What am I? What am I seeking in life?', is rampaging his life, and he is not even noticing it? His intellect has turned so impotent that it cannot think about anything or anybody without strongly concluding about them; he cannot hold onto a certain fundamental question and inquire deeply into it for two minutes straight. He has forgotten what it is like to be aflame and alive with '?'.

In Samskrita one of the words for Conclusion is निर्धार (Nirdhara), and the word is very interesting. Nir-dhara can mean 'holding on thoroughly' and it can also mean 'devoid of flow'. Concluding in analytical and executive areas of life would refer to the former meaning, and it is very much needed. But concluding about life itself would refer to the latter meaning, and you would become stagnant, dead, numb to life - 'Ah big deal, I know what it is'; 'Oh I know all about him'; 'You know who I am?'



While the religious ones today are dead sure about everything (even God's name, address, family members etc.), the Vedic Rishis boldly declared "We do not know".

If you are sure, you are dead!

59. From Nothing to Something to No-Thing

You may have the notion that you are an individual first, and that only as a consequence you developed the idea of 'mine'. This is because 'me' is assumed to be a certain concrete entity, whereas 'mine' is merely a process — an act of assertion and defense. So one unconsciously favors the notion that the concrete entity 'I' came into being first, and then 'I' developed the impulse of defending some other entity as 'mine'. But look into this keenly.

If 'I' am entity X, calling a distinct entity Y as 'mine', what about X? Is X also mine? We are necessitated to say 'Yes', because if X is not mine, if I am not mine, then how can I assert anything else as mine? But if X is mine, then how is X any different from Y? That which is mine is intuitively understood as something apart from me. If X is mine, how can it be 'me' at the same time?

We can posit many things here and write a philosophical paper to argue that X is both me and mine. But nevertheless, something seems off. We do sense that at the very core, it cannot be that 'I' defend a distinct 'mine'; at some point 'I' and 'mine' have to converge. But this does not seem to work out coherently if we start with a concrete 'I' into which 'mine' eventually converges. So, can it be the other way round? Can it be that 'mine' is first into which 'I' converges? Can it be that at the core there is no concrete entity at all?

What does this mean? This means that at the very core, the very impulse of defense IS 'me'.  A claim 'mine' of nothing IS 'me'. The very resistance IS the individual—the 'original sin', the first error, a defense of nothing, a dummy claim, a resistance towards existence for the sake of nothing, upon which accrues all the paraphernalia, giving rise to a complex personality. The great show that is put up upon this nothing makes it look like there is indeed something very precious at the core ('soul' and the like), and the individual accrues more and more protective layers upon it (including 'spiritual' layers), and becomes more and more defensive in a vicious manner, resisting the rest of the existence, and becoming increasingly constipated.

But this very hardening cracks it one day, giving a glimpse of the idiocy of the whole affair. A longing to end the drama, a force to counter the stagnant fortress, rises, not resting until the whole structure is dissolved.

Defending nothing comes into being some-thing

And dissolving that something remains the Being that is No-Thing

52. दुःखमेव सर्वं विवेकिनः

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So said Patanjali in his Yoga sutras (2.15). "For the one with wisdom, everything shall be [realized to be] misery" (duḥkhamēva sarvaṁ vivēkinaḥ). The first Noble Truth of Buddha is "The existence of suffering". Saankhya philosophy begins by elaborating on the suffering of life. The first couple of chapters of the great Yoga text Yoga Vāsiṣṭha elucidate how Rama finds every pleasure of life inherently filled with misery.

This is not pessimism. This is realism.

We have become insensitive to our own dirt. And therefore everything appears clean. And we therefore proclaim "Ah, life is so beautiful". We have mostly confused 'external circumstances' to be our life itself. And since the ambiance of life is experienced as favorable at certain times, such hasty statements are blurt out.

This is really the great disease in spirituality. Uttering the final conclusion without really going through the process systematically. Buddha can say that life is beautiful, not us. He can say that because as Siddhartha he acknowledged the misery in his fundamental experience of life; he saw how weak and ineligible his mind was to do even a simple activity; he realized how everything around him disturbed his mind. And thus the intense desire arose to overcome misery permanently. Only then could the world have a Buddha. Not just by spreading out the hands open in a beach and uttering in a filmy style "Life is beautiful" This beauty is going to vaporize in a few minutes when we don't get a cup of good coffee at the beach stalls :-D

We have to become deeply sensitive... to our mind. We will then see tons of dust hidden within, which is only waiting to come out. We will then see that a small disturbance outside is disturbing our mind. Even a simple task is not done with complete ease. Some friction is felt at all times. "I am not at complete ease with existence" is acknowledgement of misery. We should realize that mind itself has become our greatest misery. Good or bad - all thoughts should be acknowledged as disturbance. "For no thought is contented" (Shakespeare, King Richard 11) This should be realized so intensely that going through life in this state should become suffocating, even if the ambiance of life is favorable.

Only then is a Jijnasu born. One who cannot go on with life with just some recreation and procreation. One who wants a permanent solution. One who wants to be perfectly eligible to live. One who wishes to be at absolute ease with everything around him. Only then will he attempt to seek something more. And the more intense his seeking, nearer is the solution (rather dissolution) - तीव्र संवेगानाम् आसन्नः (tīvra saṁvēgānāṁ āsannaḥ) (Yoga Sutra - 1.21)

When life becomes suffocating due to recognition of misery, it is not a helpless situation leading to depression and suicide. The same scriptures which ask us to recognize misery, also give a solution. After uttering about suffering, Buddha's authoritatively said in his third and fourth Noble truths - "Suffering can end. And my dear, I know how to end it. If you come to me I shall show you the path" The more you recognize the misery, the more will you understand and eagerly adopt the solution. Else the solution will not be given its due value. Yoga will then only remain as a hobby or health booster. Therefore the emphasis to recognize misery in everything. It is a prerequisite for real Yoga.

Only a person really sleeping can be woken up. Someone who is pretending to be asleep can never be woken up.

Only when there is genuine acknowledgement of ignorance (vacuum), can there be flowing in of true knowledge (light). When there is a pretence of knowledge, real knowledge can never dawn.

Only a person really aware of the misery can be given a solution. Someone who is assuming to be happy with life can never be given any solution. For he is not even seeking anything more.

Let us not forget that, Krishna, the enlightened one, did not utter a word of spiritual teaching to his closest pal Arjuna (for around 40 years!), until the latter genuinely felt the pinch of misery at the battlefield (although he had already undergone so much misery by then) and collapsed at the former's feet asking for a solution. And Dhritarashtra who heard the same Gita through Sanjaya exclaimed at the end - "After all, Krishna provoked Arjuna to fight!". Evidently he had not acknowledged his ignorance even a bit.

May the acknowledgement of misery, and the pain of ignorance thrive in us and bring tears of genuine frustration! The ocean of sweet water is then ours to seek and own.