7. The Non-Cooperation Movement

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Although I was so adamant against the mind in the argument regarding the mastery over the instincts, I had no idea how and where to begin. They seemed extremely tough, much tougher than the simple sense addictions. Although I knew that eventually the mechanism has to be ‘virtuous vortex’ I needed another boost of some kind. And it did come from several directions. These precious teachings are like the drops of nectar which I can never afford to forget.

The very first thing I did – Accept my weaknesses, no matter how nasty they are. This may seems like a simple thing, but you will soon know that it is not easy to accept our dirty stuff even to ourselves. We quite often lie to ourselves and portray ourselves as perfect gentlemen/women even to ourselves. ‘Atmasakshi’ is very often hushed. But don’t we know our real colors? One day or the other, we are bound to get weary of this self-pretence business.

But why is this acceptance so vital? I say I am an aspirant of Self-Realization, Atma Sakshatkara. So, what am I going to realize eventually? – I say ‘Self’. Then is it not necessarily required to be completely honest and open to my ‘self’? Is it not necessary to analyze every small bit of me, no matter how ugly it is? Good or bad, I should know every bit about the habits, qualities that have accumulated around me. If I do not even accept their presence, how will I know if they are needed or not? How can I ensure that these hidden viruses have not taken control of my activities? How can I know for sure that I am totally in command of all the facets of my being? That’s why acceptance is crucial. Acceptance to myself alone is adequate, no need of any publicity! This is not some acrobatic Asana performance ;-)

Ok, I accepted, what next? Till now I was happy pretending that I am a very decent person and concealed all my dirt even to myself. So, obviously I never bothered about the filth inside of me. But now that I began accepting, I saw how much of dirt is constipated inside. Then there was a tendency within me to feel depressed “Oh God, I am such a horrible person. How can I get over these powerful instincts in me?”. This guilt was very hard to fight.

Then one day, I heard this very uplifting statement in the movie ‘Peaceful Warrior’ – “YOU are NOT your mind. You think you are, but you are not”. Then why should I feel either elated or depressed? Let it think whatever it wants. I will just watch but not get involved. Swami Vivekananda, in his Raja Yoga book, brings our attention to this. When we try to sit quiet, mind will try throwing up all possible things at us. First it will try routine thoughts – our current affairs in office, house etc. A thought sustains only if you take up a role in it and participate – be it good or bad. So, I just watch but do not participate actively in the thought. And the thought will slowly die. If we do not get moved by less intense thoughts, mind will go on raising the bar till you get dragged into it. It will jump higher and higher – e.g. scene from your most favorite movie, your most cherished date with boyfriend, your biggest dream of getting an award etc. But suppose I do not take the bait from these thoughts as well, I show least interest. Then the mind takes resort in its deeper layers. Instincts begin to shoot up. It starts bringing up the most weird things (which even Hollywood directors cannot think of). They may even be disgusting and terrifying. As Swami Vivekananda says, we may even get surprised as to how we could think so bad. At this stage, we invariably feel guilty, disturbed. If we feel ‘guilty’ that means we begin to participate in that thought.

A thought gets powered either if you love it OR hate it – either way the thought gets nourishment. Repulsion to a thought will never make it go away. What mind notes is only the intensity associated with a thought. Like or dislike – both will be given the same rating in your database. A super hit movie or a highly controversial movie (no matter how garbage), both will get huge publicity and attention. A super hit movie (good thoughts) gets fed by viewers (your involvement in the thought), and a controversial movie (rubbish thoughts) gets fed by publicity of criticisms (your guilt and depression). Negative rating will never eliminate a thought. So, with guilt, we effectively supply power to this line of thoughts and thereafter we are lost in the chain of thoughts. My meditation becomes a chaotic marketplace.

So, the obvious solution is ultimate Non-Cooperation to the mind. I will not fight you, nor will I support you, no matter what you show me and how disgusting you become.

A movie will silently come and vanish only if it is a flop. And flop means neither viewers nor criticizers for it. But you see, media loves controversy. If they see anything weird, it will be immediately taken up and printed on first page. And even public loves to hear about this. This is a very stubborn habit of the society. Similarly, getting over the negativity of mind is a very hard task, especially with the kind of controversial thoughts we start getting due to instincts. Perhaps it is this very deep rooted habit of each individual that collectively shows up as the habit of the society. Will media publicize such news if they see very low viewer ratings for negative news? And subsequently will any director dare to make a controversial movie if he knows that no media channel will ever give any sort of publicity? Who is responsible for this stupidity then, the movie maker or the media or the public?

Then I thought changing the habits of the society is not my concern for the moment, so let me look at changing my inner habits. It was difficult but not impossible. Non-cooperation movement had to be fought for a long time. After a while I discovered the key to non-cooperation – we should deny to label any thought as ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Only this branding makes the thoughts survive. Till now I called instincts as ‘bad’ and they thrived on my guilt. So now, I simply let them alone – neither fight nor support, neither Raga nor Dvesha. Whether the thoughts are good or bad is not my concern. Thoughts are just passing clouds. If thoughts are good, that doesn't mean I am good. If thoughts are ugly, that doesn't mean I am bad. "I am NOT my mind". I am something more than that. It wasn't as easy anyway. Mind didn't give up so easily, the inbuilt evil tree was quite deep. But for how long can you keep your show running, Oh mind? I am your only viewer and I deny to watch your shows no matter how good they are. And if your shows are rubbish, I deny to read criticisms, I deny to listen to controversies. You are dependent on me for your survival, but I do not need you for my existence. You are powered by me, I am not powered by you. I deny cooperation. You have to show me only what I tell you to show. You cannot forcefully make me see what you wish. My freedom is inevitable.

And to add to this, a further reinforcement came from Ramana Maharshi - Let all kinds of thoughts come up. If they do not surface, how can they get eliminated? They generously emerge only to get destroyed one day.

Next - The Age-Old Whim of Old-Age >>

6. The Strong Weakness

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Once I accepted my real condition, that I am a slave to my mind and sense objects, the remaining was comparatively easier. I understood the mechanism of viciousness of the thoughts, initiated ‘Project Virtuous Vortex’ as explained in ‘The Big Boost’ and used the power of the mind against itself to effectively eliminate my addictions one by one.

As I easily got over the obvious habits, like a particular tasty dish, or smoking, or listening to extreme music etc (which were governing me without my consent), I began seeing that sense addictions have their roots quite deep into me – Instincts. They were controlling even my smallest activity, like simply looking, as explained below. 

I was thinking something and walking alone on a moderately busy street with my head down, looking at the ground. We know that eyes are usually defocused and can see bits and pieces from different directions. And whenever my eyes sensed movement of ‘color’ in any corner, the following happened in my mind, in a fraction of a moment: Moving Color => Person with Colorful dress => Girl => Order to look up => I obey the order. This way I would have probably looked up 20 times or more within a matter of 4-5 minutes. And I started wondering, am I really controlling my mind, or is my mind commanding me? My God! This seems like a program that has gone haywire. All these processing and reaction happen so instantly, that it was not even noticed for years by me. Mind has gone into a very strong habit and automated itself, and can I call it free will?!

And then came all the obvious arguments as a justification, by my own mind “You are a 25 year old boy, what if you look at girls? It is perfectly natural.”. Is it perfectly natural then, to drool behind every beautiful girl that I meet? Is it perfectly natural then, to do what did even if I am a married man? We say ‘No’. Then what is the limit of ‘natural’ and who decides it? Is the limit just about wearing the mask of decency and dignity just to show others but continuously munch inside? What kind of bogus personality I would then have, all the time being an imposter?

Then the mind said “Then what? Should you cast off the mask and show your real colors? Act crazy like an uncultured?”. My dear mind, are there only two options? Either give free vent or put on a forced disguise? What about getting a hold on you? What about looking only when I wish to? Why are you hiding this obvious third option? Is it because you don’t like it? Is it because you are afraid that you will lose your hold on me? 

It is quite difficult for anyone to accept this about themselves even to themselves, let alone to others. And even if we notice this strong obligation within us, we give a soft corner to them in the name of ‘instincts’, ‘natural’ and let them flourish. Well, spirituality IS conquering ‘nature’. If I am not an aspirant of self-realization, it is perfectly fine to wear a mask and be a phony to myself. It doesn't matter. But not otherwise, not after getting till here.

Now the mind put forth another stupid argument – “Not looking at girls? Do you want to become impotent?”. Oh Mind, I thought you were a little intelligent, if not more. Don’t you understand the difference between ‘can’t do’ and ‘don’t wish to do’? I never said that I want to lose my instincts. I only said that they should come out only if I order them to, not otherwise. As told in the last chapter, we always see only two facets – obligated inactivity and obligated activity. Why forget controlled activity? A stone cannot think. But I do not want to think, although I can. There is world of a difference. Should I always compulsorily think just because I can think? Where is the freedom then? I am as obligated and helpless as the stone is. Stone is helplessly inactive, and I am helplessly active!

Even after this much of counter arguments, the mind doesn't give up. It finally says that I should then get married, as if it is a universal solution. Mind, do you think I am a fool? Do you think it is going to give me any sort of control over you and your instincts? Are you saying that it will make me stop looking at other girls?! Ha Ha… Joke of the millennium. I am not against marriage, nor am I against no-marriage. But do not portray marriage as a solution to this problem of slavery to instincts. Marriage is perhaps everything else apart from this. The suggestion given by my mind about marriage for resolving this problem is something like the example below:

If a teenage boy is getting restless and unrestrained because of lack of money, will you give him more money as a solution? Will you say “If he gets enough money, his restlessness will come down”? What a naive solution! This will go into a vicious circle. The boy will raise the bar and now he would regularly want more money. Common sense! The more you give still more he would want. And at one point you cannot provide any further increment, and thereafter he will continue to be miserable, looking at everybody else’s wallet! The only viable solution is to teach him to control his mind and not let it control him. The question is not whether he has money or not, the question is whether he has control over himself. After that, money is an irrelevant and dead aspect. It won’t matter how much money he has. He will be fine with whatever he has. He will not be concerned about the bank balances and jewelry that others posses. He will not even stare at them to burn inside!

Similarly, the question is not about marrying or not marrying, the point of interest is if the instincts are under control, no matter how tough it may seem. This is the only feasible solution. I cannot afford stray bugs in my program running without my permission. I cannot have under-the-table transactions in my company taking place without my knowledge, even if it is about just looking or munching within myself. "I just look, it is fine" is not an excuse. It is a seemingly simple weakness which may define even your crucial activities. Bug is a bug and cannot be given scope.

...Continued
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