On the occasion of Guru Purnima, I would like to share something personal, but relevant.
Since early childhood, a deep sense of grief would engulf me every now and then, the trigger for which would be people having fun (e.g. playing games or chitchatting) or enjoying themselves in some kind of gathering (e.g. marriage functions). I would experience untold sorrow and cry profusely, as if some great tragedy has struck. For e.g. I remember as a 5 year old boy, standing in a corner with wet cheeks looking at all the elder children of our neighbourhood happily immersed in playing cricket. The same sense of hopelessness recurred several times, especially while attending family functions. The child could not articulate the reason in words (even mentally), it was just some unknown pain, but as the brain developed it got articulated. For e.g. I vividly remember going through this when I was in 12th, and was attending a marriage function.
Here I am crying for something else. Probably saying "Let us go home" I don't have a photo where I am crying in actual angst. :-) |
After getting crushed in this "I do not know what to do" for several years, it has now become evident that this is what one should fundamentally do — to hold on to "I do not know" no matter what happens, and do not compromise for anything — mystical experiences, God talking to you, elegant insights, great theories from others, whatever. This is the most fundamental aspect. Everything else that we do in the name of spirituality is auxiliary. If one has not come to painfully realize the limit of psychology, if one does not realize he is in a prison, there is no getting out. There will be just more and more illusions, even in the name of spirituality. One will compromise with and settle for something or the other within the ambit of the mind, including the illusion of spirituality, and call it soul, heart, Atman, God and whatever. Without a sense of urgency, spirituality turns into the same-old social drama, into one more layer of cosmetics, another titbit to find contentment in. It is the pain of ignorance alone that will conjure enough intensity without any direction to blast off from the atmosphere of the mind. Without intensity there is anyway no going anywhere, and setting a direction means remaining within the psychology.
It is very popularly said that Guru is that which dispels darkness. But there is something worse than darkness — illusion of light (just as pretense of humility is worse than boastfulness, and so on). If I am under the spell of the mind, imagining that there is already light, where is the question of dispelling darkness at all? I will be quite content within the limits of the psychology, imagining all kinds of great things. A Guru is possible only after one begins to intensely realize the daunting darkness. 'Ru' (dispelling) is possible only after one stops denying that he is in utter 'Gu' (darkness).
Happy Guru Purnima!
Thank you. I followed all your Bhagavadgita videos in Youtube. You have such a clarity in understanding:). Can you please suggest any bhagavadgita translation or bhashya that you can recommend me to read ? Thank you
ReplyDeleteI read mostly in Kannada. I mainly read the Gita in the Mahabharata books published by Bharata darshana. Apart from that have not read any other commentary thoroughly.
DeleteThank you for sharing this worthy post.
ReplyDeleteThank YouðŸŒ
ReplyDelete