44. I Am Irony Incarnate

<< Previous - I Die And My Soul Leaves My Body

In the name of Spirituality, for years, I light lamp in front of a colorful photo of 'God' so sincerely everyday; I decorate the photo with flowers and perform worship so promptly; I perform homas and fill my house with smoke several times a year without fail; I visit temples and get coconuts and bananas so regularly.

In the name of Yoga, for years, I twist and bend my body relentlessly; I try to regulate my breathing by holding nostrils and producing sounds like 'Om'; I sit and stare at the tip of my nose until my eyes start paining; I close my eyes and sit still for half an hour everyday.

In spite of doing all this for years... I get upset when a dish which I like is not available, I get irritated if there is a little less salt in the food, I am unhappy if my name was not called first for appreciation. But still, I do not give up the above practices of 'Spirituality' and 'Yoga'. I continue, on and on, for years, till death. Practices go on, and anger/jealousy etc also go on. What a Karma Yogi I am! I am least bothered if my practices have brought any change in me! Strictly following Krishna's message of "Karmanyevaadhikaaraste", I practice for the sake of practice and I am least bothered about the results! I perform all those activities without expecting any change in me! Wah! This is the pinnacle of Karma Yoga. This aspect of Karma Yoga, even Krishna did not think of!

If I look at it this way, all saints and seers are so selfish! They wanted results from their spiritual practices, they expected to see changes in the behavior of their mind. They were so much Karmaphala oriented. But look at me, I am so detached from the results of my practice! Even if my habits do not change even to the slightest degree, I am least bothered, I do not stop my practices. This is perseverance personified! I am Karma Yoga embodied!

_________________________________________________________________________

I read and read. I listen and listen. My brain has become a warehouse of spiritual texts. Vedas, Puranas, Mahabharata, Ramayana... you name it and I know it. I know the morals and messages of all these texts. I know what is true Jnana, true Bhakti, real Yoga. I give discourses to people about spirituality. I guide them towards the right meaning of the texts. Everyone reveres me. I am a 'spiritual' personality for the society.

In spite of all these... I chant Hanuman Chalisa everyday mostly with a desire that it will give me success in return. I offer 100 Rupees not as service but with the hope that I will get 1000 in return. Learning and preaching goes on. My greed-filled devotion and fear-filled rituals also go on. I am least bothered if I am myself following the messages of the scriptures. My primary concern is that others should follow them. What a Tyaagi I am! Whole day I preach the right path to others and I want them to grow higher in spiritual path. Whole day I comment on and correct others. But I do not want to practice anything, I do not care for my own spiritual growth. Can there be a higher Tyaagi than me? Really wonderful.

If I look at it this way, all saints and seers were so much self-centered! They practiced everything themselves whether or not others practiced. For them their practice was primary and others' practice was optional. But for me others' practice is primary, and my practice is totally irrelevant. I am Tyaga manifested as flesh and blood!

_________________________________________________________________________

I say "I live life as per my wish, I do not care for what others say about me". I say "I don't like him, I do not care for what he says". But I always care for others' opinion about me, and in particular, I care the most about my enemy's opinion. I earn more money so that others, and in particular he, can think high of me. I want to own a house so that I can get recognized by others and him. In my social interactions, I very carefully maintain my dignity so that I become respectful in the eyes of others and particularly that person whom I do not like. I undergo so much of stress for others' and his sake that I even end up with Hypertension and Cholesterol problems. Eventually I also undergo a heart surgery. Even here, I make sure that the surgery is carried out in the most expensive hospital, so that my status in others' and his eyes is not damaged. Can there be a higher form of love than this? All my activities performed with the hope that I can impress all others and particularly my enemy! I even tear open my heart (for surgery of course) for the sake of my enemies and others. I walk, talk, dress and do everything else in such a dignified manner primarily with the intention of maintaining my worth in others' mind. I almost live my entire life as how others around me want me to live. I am so honestly following "Love your enemies". What a great kind heart I am! This aspect of love, perhaps even Jesus the Christ did not think of!

If I look at it this way, all saints and seers were so unloving! They hardly cared for people who did not like them. They were fully negligent about others' opinion about them. They least bothered if someone commented on them. They lived fully as they liked, and not at all as how others wanted them to live. Their entire focus was to have a peaceful life for themselves. How selfish! But look at me, how kind I am! I live fully as how others want me to live. I give up my wishes of a peaceful life and I undergo so much stress for the sake of satisfying others. I am love come alive!

_________________________________________________________________________

No Wait, on second thoughts... I Am Irony Incarnate
Hmm... On Second second thoughts... I Am Idiocy Incarnate

_________________________________________________________________________

This post is inspired by the following incident recorded in "Autobiography of a Yogi".

A disciple says to Nagendra Natha Baduri “Guruji, you are extraordinary. You have renounced wealth and pleasures of the world for seeing God” for which Baduri Mahashaya says “You have upturned the fact! I gave up only the infinitesimal (money and pleasures) to gain infinite bliss. Is that renunciation? In fact, the renunciation by the worldly materialists is true renunciation, they are real Tyagis. Just for a handful of material toys, they give up the eternal and infinite spiritual wealth!”

10. The Amazing Conversation

<< Previous - The Rise of the Common Sense

So, now I got Krishna back, I got common sense back with me, to be by my side always, to guide me, to tell me if I am going in the correct direction. And then I began asking him plenty of questions, which he answered so elegantly.

Ego – “What is this Maya? I never understand this, looks like mumbo-jumbo”

Krishna – “Have you watched a football match?”

Ego – “Yes, a few times”

Krishna – “Who created the concept of the football game?”

Ego – “Us, the people”

Krishna – “Good, who decided the rules of the game?”

Ego – “Us, the people”

Krishna – “Who manufactured the football? Who built the stadium?”

Ego – “Us, the people”

Krishna – “The players who are playing the game, do they know all this?”

Ego – “Of course, they know”

Krishna – “They know that it is a game created by the people themselves. So they know for sure that it is not enforced by a supreme God. They know and have agreed to all the rules.”

Ego – “Yes, they know”

Krishna – “Hmm, then why is it that a player gets angry when the opponent tackles the football away from him?”

Ego – “Because he doesn’t want to lose”

Krishna – “So, will he be happy if all the opponents stand aside and let him hit the goal peacefully?”

Ego – “No, he wants fight from the opponent”

Krishna – “Ok now you are talking funny. He wants a fight. He wants the opponent to try to tackle the football. But every time he wants that the opponent should fail? If the opponent fails every time, will it look like an interesting game? Won’t the very purpose of creating the game get defeated?”

I began sensing the strangeness of reality.

Krishna – “So you get angry in a game created from your pure imagination, governed by your own rules and being played as per your own rules?”

Ego – “Ya… This is weird!”

Krishna – “Now you tell me, is the game real or unreal? Does the game have its independent existence? Or it exists only because you play”

Ego – “It exists because I play, else it is just a concept”

Krishna – “This is Maya. You know that it exists only because of you. But then you forget the reality and begin to think that the game governs you, you begin to feel miserable. You begin to get emotional, upset about it. You are always the master, you are always the owner of the game. You are always beyond victory or defeat. But you forget this simple fact and cry when you lose and jump in joy when you win. Do any of these things have meaning seen from a neutral standpoint? Did winning and losing have any meaning before the game was invented? Did any God create winning and losing? No, you yourself created it with the game. If you yourself created both of them, why love one and hate the other? Why begging to some unknown God for victory? What did the poor God do? Did he force you to create the game and play it? And if you are so afraid of losing, why did you create the game at all? Why did you play the game at all? You could have just been without any sport, without any game. You created and played only for one reason – fun. Then why are you miserable when you lose?”

Ego – “Oh yes, winning and losing don’t have any meaning. Both are just for fun.”

Krishna – “Suppose you start winning every time. No opponent is able to tackle the ball away from you. Every time you succeed. Won’t this begin to get boring to you, to the opponents, and to the spectators? Who would want such a game? Even you will get depressed and stop playing. The very purpose of creating the game is to have fun. The very purpose is the sense of thrill and suspense with the uncertainty in the result - Karmaphala. So, from nowhere you created the game. Even after knowing all this, you can’t withstand losing?”

Ego – “So, I am bound in my own web. Or rather, I think that I am caught, whereas I am always the master! Winning or losing both are equal! I should enjoy both!”

Krishna – “This is all I said in the Gita. Always remember this simple fact that you are the master. Go beyond dualities. Then you will always be balanced and tranquil. If Karmaphala, result, was in your hands it will be a meaningless game, a meaningless world. So, that is why you should only play to enjoy and forget about the result. Both results, victory or defeat, are to be accepted as your own children with equal love. The example of football game should be applied to everything in your life. Why do you want to guarantee success in everything that you do? If everybody succeeds in everything they do, the game loses its meaning.”

Ego – “But I didn’t create the game of the world. I didn’t set the rules of the world.”

Krishna – “Who gave value to Gold? Who accepted the validity of currency notes? Who set the value of each item in the market? Did God do all this? It is the same as the football game, no difference.”

Ego – “But the body? I didn’t create the body. If it gets hurt I feel the pain. If it gets comfort I feel the pleasure. So, here I will obviously love pleasure and hate pain. How to reconcile this into your explanation?”

Krishna – “When playing football, you yourself called yourself as a football player. You superimposed something on ‘I’ for the sake of fun. But then, when the football player lost, you felt the pain of it. Whatever happened to the superimposed role, you took ownership of it. Similarly, now you are superimposing a lump of mass on ‘I’ and call it your body. You clearly said that ‘I’ feel the pain when body gets hurt. So you yourself accept that you are not the body. You feel the pain because of this virtual superimposition.”

Ego – “But why should I feel the pain?”

Krishna – “Attachment – the feeling of ‘mine’. While dreaming, you feel the pain when your dream-body gets hurt. But, do you feel even a speck of it when another person in the dream gets hurt? Isn't everything in the dream a part of your own mind? Are they all not you? Then why don't you feel pain when another person in your dream gets hurt? Because although the whole dream is you, you are calling only a small part of the dream, a body, as you, and think that everything else is not you. So, you feel the pain/pleasure of only one body, which you call 'my body'. Same happens in both wakeful and dream states. You are plain Awareness. But since you identify yourself with something specific, you begin to say that that specific thing alone is you. You begin to say that your real identity is only a football player! In deep sleep, you dissolve the entire dream into you and be tranquil - no good, no bad, but only peace and serenity. A perfectly neutralized state called bliss. This is equivalent to being the whole dream and feeling the pain/pleasure of everyone in it. When all are felt together, obviously they get perfectly neutralized. But in deep sleep, it happens involuntarily, so you are not aware as you are aware now. If it is reached by 'What Am I' enquiry voluntarily with awareness, then there is nothing more to be achieved. You become the whole existence, or rather you realize that you are the whole of existence."

Ego – “Understanding a little. But not fully clear.”

Krishna – “Whether you understand or not, you are infinite awareness. It is only a matter of time that you realize that. Now you just listened to me, that is only the first step. Everything cannot be known by just listening or arguing. This is a simple fact that is to be realized, not understood in a debate. Now you have to repeatedly enquire within yourself. Slowly it will become evident. But after sometime you will lose that intensity of enquiry. Then again you have to read the Gita or some other scripture to remind yourself of it. Shravana (listening) has to be done several times before the idea becomes strong enough in you to sustain itself. Then it is just your contemplation that will one day reveal the truth to you. It is inevitable.”