49. I Am Miserable Because...

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A buzzing cafeteria in an office. Many tense faces that are apparently carrying the burden of running the whole world have come to take a quick bite asap. Some who have just had a meeting-before-lunch are now having a lunch-meeting which will be followed by a meeting-after-lunch. Many do not even know what food is going through their mouth. Hands are picking, mouth is chewing and food-pipe is swallowing. All perfect karma yogis who do not have any sense of doership in their act of eating.

In a reserved place in the cafeteria, some happily married individuals are unhappily opening their lunch boxes. One of them, who is a newbie in this company, looks at what is in his box with an irritated face and says "Aagh.. same roti, same sabji.." before starting to eat and somehow finishing his lunch. The next day the same incident repeats like a ritual. He recites "Aagh.. same roti, same sabji" as if it is some prayer-chant prior to having food, and then has his food. When this happens for several days, one of his colleagues, an oldy, gets into a conversation with the newbie.

Oldy - Hi, you seem to be unhappy with the cooking.

Newbie - Yes. I am bored of eating this same sabji everyday.

Oldy - Why don't you tell your wife which dish you like? She will be happy to cook that. I am assuming you are newly married. So she may not know exactly what you like. Do not be hesitant to tell your likes and dislikes with your wife.

Newbie - I am not married.

Perplexed Oldy - Oh! Then who cooks for you? Whoever it is, tell them.

Newbie - I cook it myself!

We cook our own food. We make our own situations. We reap what we sow. The newbie at least admitted that he cooked his own food. Many a times we don't even accept that we are responsible for what we are today.

I have seen that almost everyone who lives in Bangalore curse Bangalore. Probably the same is true for any disproportionately grown city. "The city is horrible, no safety for children, pollution, traffic, garbage..." and so on and so forth. All true, but you are cursing for years at a stretch. Is anyone holding your neck down and imprisoning in the city? What is stopping people from going into a smaller city/town and leading a simpler life with a simpler job? "I am here for the sake of my wife/husband/children/parents". Ask anyone and fingers are pointing at someone else, which reminds me of a group of people pointing guns among themselves to form a circle (as in the climax scenes of movies). A is pointing at B, B is pointing at C, and C is pointing at A. Is this a bunch of self-less people living for the sake of others? No. This is a bunch of confused people who do not know what they want and who want to use others as a cover for their selfishness. It is me that finds a big city attractive and a matter of pride, it is me that wants a mall in the neighborhood, it is me that wants varieties of hotels to be a phone call away, it is me that thinks that only a fast and restless life is successful, it is me that thinks more money means more happiness, it is me that wants to own a house in the city, it is me that thinks that my children will be very sharp only if they grow in a city, it is me, me and always me. Now tell me, when everyone thinks this way and clogs into one place, won't there be traffic and garbage? Even heaven is bound to have management issues if all rushed there like idiots; it will no more be heaven.

Things are a step deeper most of the times. "I married the boy/girl I do not like because of my parents". No. "I married that boy/girl because I want peace with my parents." I chose my own peace, not someone else's, and for that peace I compromised some other peace, which is also mine. I gambled one for another. But everything is finally for my own sake; we are not doing anything for anyone else. Plenty of examples can be given - "I do not want to, but am staying abroad for the sake of my children", "I did not want to, but I quit my job for the sake of my spouse". None of these are being done for others as being portrayed; all is being done only for myself. We better accept this. This gambling between different cards is what life is. If you have to pick one you have to throw another. Sometimes it may seem that you have been able to pick two cards at once, but life also makes you throw two cards at once. It is a complicated game than our cards.

Therefore do not whine for the cards you have chosen. In a game of rummy, only an idiot would say "I picked that card up because he threw it" or "I picked it up because he pleaded me to". You may very well have given up better cards in favor of bad ones; while doing it you may not have realized. But accept responsibility for that choice. It is you that chose. Not your parents, or your spouse, or children. No one is playing for you; they are playing for themselves just as you are playing for yourself. Stop showing fingers at others for your cards and take charge, even if they are the crappiest of the cards. Because only then will you slowly start replacing your cards with newer and better ones. Else you will continue to weep waiting for others to replace your cards for you which will never happen.

This still seems limited. I can never get all the cards I want. And sometimes all the choices may be bad (or good). And this play seems endless. What if I do not want to play and get out of this gambling? When you REALLY feel that you will be ready to quit even the most enticing luxury of life (spade of King perhaps). Let us think about it then! First let us concentrate on playing with as little fuss as possible, because it is the path to finally feel disinterested with play, to find both good and bad cards boring, to get vairagya.

Following is a simpler day-to-day situation as an example. A person approaches you and asks for some silly help which you do not want to render. You are irritated inside but you agree without having the mouth to say no. After the person leaves you curse and curse and curse. What went wrong? Who chose the cards? Without knowing how to politely say no, it is you who gave up your peace in favor of the peace of maintaining normal relationship with that person. That means we are so dumb that we do not even know how to harmlessly say 'no' to a silly thing also. No wisdom lies inside to take even a simple decision in my life, but heaps of worthless intelligence is available that provides unsolicited advices to everyone else in the world about what they should do in their life!

So, the award for "I am miserable because..." goes to.... "Me". Claps claps claps. For I have taken charge of my life by accepting the award and am finally on the right path.