39. Why We Fail To Practice

<< Previous - Answering to the Attitude

After understanding what Vairagya/equanimity means, the next obvious step is to try and put that attitude into practice. So, I tried to practice it in win-lose situations of day-to-day life. But after several days, when I stopped for a self-checkup, I observed that I am still where I was weeks ago. I didn't seem to have progressed in the effort of being detached or equanimous towards the results. With some analysis and troubleshooting the cause for this stagnation became evident. A peculiar behavior of the mind was responsible for this failure. Everytime an undertaking goes wrong or right, mind always tries to say that that particular undertaking is an exception and detachment cannot be practiced for that.

To explain this in detail I will use the example of a cricketer. Suppose a cricketer in the Indian team has read about vairagya, and about taking victory-defeat equally. He is now determined to practice equanimity. And the following are some of the ways in which his mind works out an exception for not practicing equanimity.

India loses a match against Australia by 80 runs.

Justice for exemption from detachment: "What a shameful loss. How can I not feel bad about it? If there was at least a good fight I would have tried to be detached from a loss. But not now. What a shameful performance. Sob..."

India loses a match against Australia by 8 runs.

Justice for exemption from detachment: "Oh, we were so close to victory. How can I not feel bad about it? If it was a big margin I would have tried to be detached from a loss. But not now. If one loses after putting so much effort and being so close to victory how can he be possibly be detached? That is not possible!"

India loses a match against Australia by 20 runs.

Justice for exemption from detachment: "Loss is fine, I am detached from the result. But how can I face the press and people with equanimity? I don't think anyone can do that. I am worried only for that. Otherwise I would have been perfectly equanimous with a loss"

India wins a match against Australia by 80 runs.

Justice for exemption from detachment: "What a wonderful day! I scored a century. And the strong Australians were literally crushed by us. How can I not feel excited about it. Ditch equanimity. Let us have a party"

India wins a match against Australia by 8 runs.

Justice for exemption from detachment: "Hurray, what an exciting match, we won! We gave such a terrific fight, how can I possibly be calm now? Ditch equanimity. Let us have a party"

Now replace the cricket match with a day-to-day activity, and the cricketer with yourself. And just observe if this is true or not. You may be a student writing an exam, an employee working on a project or a housewife trying to cook a new dish. Or it may be happenings of bigger proportions - may be about an illness, getting a big bonus, about the death of a family member, about losing a job etc. At all circumstances mind says the same "How can I possibly practice detachment for this?"

And there is a master justification - "My problem is unique. No one has this type of problem. No one can ever be detached in such a situation. If someone else had this problem they would have suffered more than me." This implies to say that "Practicing detachment for my type of problems is not at all possible. Actually I am doing better than everyone else, others would have crumbled if they had this problem. So, I am already great. What I am doing is the upper limit of detachment, no one can do better than this.". Really bewildering the way mind works!

This way, the present moment is always an exception for us. The current event is always exempted from spirituality. "If this this this had happened, then I would have practiced detachment, but not now" - this is as silly as we defining the questions for our own exam! Thus we move on skipping events one after another, skipping exams one after the other, and days pass by. I continue to get agitated if I cannot go to a movie because of rain, I continue to get excited when my state team wins in an IPL match. I am still strongly attached to results of the activity, rather than thoroughly enjoying the activity itself. Mind remains in its same old habits and detachment remains only in books. Such sharp thinking for giving excuses! Such agility for finding reasons for not doing! If the same intelligence was used towards doing, one will probably become equal to Shankaracharya! But all the sharpness of the mind is being used for all negative reasons.

Negativity and weakness have conquered the minds. As soon as someone opens his mouth to speak, negativity gushes out. "Can't Can't Can't". All talks about how we cannot practice spirituality. All discussions portraying that we are helpless and that nothing can be done. Swami Vivekananda exhorted at the top of his voice "Strength is life, Weakness is death, if there is any sin in the world, it is weakness alone". But all this strength is only hanging from the walls below his pictures, never went into brains and hearts!

Our master excuse is "Everything is fine, but in today's world detachment is not possible. This is Kali Yuga." Was it easily possible in yesterday's world? The greatest message of equanimity was given on a battle field asking a warrior to fight without being attached to the result of the battle. Are our problems bigger than that warrior's whose life was at stake for no fault of his? It is but a foolish dream to think "Yesterday's world was so serene and peaceful, I could have practiced spirituality so well in that society" Such a perfect world never existed, nor will it exist in the future. If there was no challenge at all, what is left for us to practice? If there are no good and bad, how can equanimity be practiced? The world will never be rid of good-bad extremes, only the intensity may vary from time to time. Pointing at the world as an excuse for not practicing spiritual qualities is but Tamas - turbidity. It is not the world that has to become equanimous, it is me. As Ramana Maharshi says in a funny manner "Instead of us wearing shoes, we dream of covering the entire earth with leather!". So silly we are!

An interesting fact is that everyone is already aware of the convenience and benefits of detachment, but it is noticed only in case of others, never ourselves. For e.g. when my friend is in despair, I say "Do not worry, it was not your fault, you did whatever you could. Life is full of happiness and sorrow, difficult situations are inevitable". It looks so obvious to me that he should actually not worry for a failure. I know that it is only draining him of energy, not allowing him to work towards correcting the situation and thus creating more problems. So, I definitely know that maintaining calmness is the correct way of facing problems. But when the same problem hits me, all my wisdom evaporates, and I probably cry more than my friend. Now it is my friend's turn to repeat the same words back to me. This way, detachment remains only in words and never in practice. It is always wished for another person, but never demonstrated by myself.

How to get out of this negativity? We all have a strange tendency of straightaway looking at big things when we begin practicing. We miserably fail if we try out detachment for bigger things like relationships, death, illness straightaway. Ignoring a thousand small ones and trying to practice for a gigantic one will go in vain. And as a result the "I can't" attitude grows further into a swamp. This is same as dreaming of being a topper of an exam after reading just one chapter thoroughly. Several small tests will have to be successfully cleared before facing an exam. When a restaurant is found closed when you went there with eagerness, when your vehicle breaks down while going to a trip, when you miss a bus, when there is a power cut when your favorite TV program is on - equanimity has to be shown strongly in plenty of such small things in your everyday life. With these, it gains momentum and over time, bigger problems also get trampled.

Another trick to get hold of equanimity - Start from good ones, bad ones will be taken care of automatically. When things go terrifically fine, you are winning stupendously in all your ventures, try to be peaceful rather than jumping in over-excitement. Say to yourself that good-bad cycle keeps rotating, all the good that is happening today will topple down one day. Be like a stable ship, not a tossing boat. Actually, all are deeply aware of this inevitability of good-bad cycle, but most people try to hope that it is not so. When things are going perfectly well, then a sentence will pop out "God, let this happiness stay forever" or "Touchwood". So, instead of accepting the way of the world, we futilely hope that good will always stay as it is, and be constantly be fearful of losing it. But in time, the mind will necessarily get bored of this up-down, good-bad business and try to look beyond both. When calmness is maintained during successes, mind will resist to get depressed during failures as well. Mind is just a reflex organ, it can thus be manipulated. Don't allow it to get stretched, and it'll stop getting compressed as well.

Do I become a stone then? Nope. We become the other extreme of it. Stone does not have a choice but to stay still. But you are staying still although you have the ability to retort. Stone is not aware of itself, but you are. There is a world of a difference in doing something out of compulsion and doing it out of choice. As already said in an earlier post, there is a world of a difference between staying quiet out of fear and staying quiet out of forgiveness.

Stone - Compulsorily unable to react, stay still for everything

The now me - Compulsorily unable to stay still, react to everything

The future me - No more compulsions. Able to stay still, as well as react, as per will. No more reactions, only actions.