39. Why We Fail To Practice

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After understanding what Vairagya/equanimity means, the next obvious step is to try and put that attitude into practice. So, I tried to practice it in win-lose situations of day-to-day life. But after several days, when I stopped for a self-checkup, I observed that I am still where I was weeks ago. I didn't seem to have progressed in the effort of being detached or equanimous towards the results. With some analysis and troubleshooting the cause for this stagnation became evident. A peculiar behavior of the mind was responsible for this failure. Everytime an undertaking goes wrong or right, mind always tries to say that that particular undertaking is an exception and detachment cannot be practiced for that.

To explain this in detail I will use the example of a cricketer. Suppose a cricketer in the Indian team has read about vairagya, and about taking victory-defeat equally. He is now determined to practice equanimity. And the following are some of the ways in which his mind works out an exception for not practicing equanimity.

India loses a match against Australia by 80 runs.

Justice for exemption from detachment: "What a shameful loss. How can I not feel bad about it? If there was at least a good fight I would have tried to be detached from a loss. But not now. What a shameful performance. Sob..."

India loses a match against Australia by 8 runs.

Justice for exemption from detachment: "Oh, we were so close to victory. How can I not feel bad about it? If it was a big margin I would have tried to be detached from a loss. But not now. If one loses after putting so much effort and being so close to victory how can he be possibly be detached? That is not possible!"

India loses a match against Australia by 20 runs.

Justice for exemption from detachment: "Loss is fine, I am detached from the result. But how can I face the press and people with equanimity? I don't think anyone can do that. I am worried only for that. Otherwise I would have been perfectly equanimous with a loss"

India wins a match against Australia by 80 runs.

Justice for exemption from detachment: "What a wonderful day! I scored a century. And the strong Australians were literally crushed by us. How can I not feel excited about it. Ditch equanimity. Let us have a party"

India wins a match against Australia by 8 runs.

Justice for exemption from detachment: "Hurray, what an exciting match, we won! We gave such a terrific fight, how can I possibly be calm now? Ditch equanimity. Let us have a party"

Now replace the cricket match with a day-to-day activity, and the cricketer with yourself. And just observe if this is true or not. You may be a student writing an exam, an employee working on a project or a housewife trying to cook a new dish. Or it may be happenings of bigger proportions - may be about an illness, getting a big bonus, about the death of a family member, about losing a job etc. At all circumstances mind says the same "How can I possibly practice detachment for this?"

And there is a master justification - "My problem is unique. No one has this type of problem. No one can ever be detached in such a situation. If someone else had this problem they would have suffered more than me." This implies to say that "Practicing detachment for my type of problems is not at all possible. Actually I am doing better than everyone else, others would have crumbled if they had this problem. So, I am already great. What I am doing is the upper limit of detachment, no one can do better than this.". Really bewildering the way mind works!

This way, the present moment is always an exception for us. The current event is always exempted from spirituality. "If this this this had happened, then I would have practiced detachment, but not now" - this is as silly as we defining the questions for our own exam! Thus we move on skipping events one after another, skipping exams one after the other, and days pass by. I continue to get agitated if I cannot go to a movie because of rain, I continue to get excited when my state team wins in an IPL match. I am still strongly attached to results of the activity, rather than thoroughly enjoying the activity itself. Mind remains in its same old habits and detachment remains only in books. Such sharp thinking for giving excuses! Such agility for finding reasons for not doing! If the same intelligence was used towards doing, one will probably become equal to Shankaracharya! But all the sharpness of the mind is being used for all negative reasons.

Negativity and weakness have conquered the minds. As soon as someone opens his mouth to speak, negativity gushes out. "Can't Can't Can't". All talks about how we cannot practice spirituality. All discussions portraying that we are helpless and that nothing can be done. Swami Vivekananda exhorted at the top of his voice "Strength is life, Weakness is death, if there is any sin in the world, it is weakness alone". But all this strength is only hanging from the walls below his pictures, never went into brains and hearts!

Our master excuse is "Everything is fine, but in today's world detachment is not possible. This is Kali Yuga." Was it easily possible in yesterday's world? The greatest message of equanimity was given on a battle field asking a warrior to fight without being attached to the result of the battle. Are our problems bigger than that warrior's whose life was at stake for no fault of his? It is but a foolish dream to think "Yesterday's world was so serene and peaceful, I could have practiced spirituality so well in that society" Such a perfect world never existed, nor will it exist in the future. If there was no challenge at all, what is left for us to practice? If there are no good and bad, how can equanimity be practiced? The world will never be rid of good-bad extremes, only the intensity may vary from time to time. Pointing at the world as an excuse for not practicing spiritual qualities is but Tamas - turbidity. It is not the world that has to become equanimous, it is me. As Ramana Maharshi says in a funny manner "Instead of us wearing shoes, we dream of covering the entire earth with leather!". So silly we are!

An interesting fact is that everyone is already aware of the convenience and benefits of detachment, but it is noticed only in case of others, never ourselves. For e.g. when my friend is in despair, I say "Do not worry, it was not your fault, you did whatever you could. Life is full of happiness and sorrow, difficult situations are inevitable". It looks so obvious to me that he should actually not worry for a failure. I know that it is only draining him of energy, not allowing him to work towards correcting the situation and thus creating more problems. So, I definitely know that maintaining calmness is the correct way of facing problems. But when the same problem hits me, all my wisdom evaporates, and I probably cry more than my friend. Now it is my friend's turn to repeat the same words back to me. This way, detachment remains only in words and never in practice. It is always wished for another person, but never demonstrated by myself.

How to get out of this negativity? We all have a strange tendency of straightaway looking at big things when we begin practicing. We miserably fail if we try out detachment for bigger things like relationships, death, illness straightaway. Ignoring a thousand small ones and trying to practice for a gigantic one will go in vain. And as a result the "I can't" attitude grows further into a swamp. This is same as dreaming of being a topper of an exam after reading just one chapter thoroughly. Several small tests will have to be successfully cleared before facing an exam. When a restaurant is found closed when you went there with eagerness, when your vehicle breaks down while going to a trip, when you miss a bus, when there is a power cut when your favorite TV program is on - equanimity has to be shown strongly in plenty of such small things in your everyday life. With these, it gains momentum and over time, bigger problems also get trampled.

Another trick to get hold of equanimity - Start from good ones, bad ones will be taken care of automatically. When things go terrifically fine, you are winning stupendously in all your ventures, try to be peaceful rather than jumping in over-excitement. Say to yourself that good-bad cycle keeps rotating, all the good that is happening today will topple down one day. Be like a stable ship, not a tossing boat. Actually, all are deeply aware of this inevitability of good-bad cycle, but most people try to hope that it is not so. When things are going perfectly well, then a sentence will pop out "God, let this happiness stay forever" or "Touchwood". So, instead of accepting the way of the world, we futilely hope that good will always stay as it is, and be constantly be fearful of losing it. But in time, the mind will necessarily get bored of this up-down, good-bad business and try to look beyond both. When calmness is maintained during successes, mind will resist to get depressed during failures as well. Mind is just a reflex organ, it can thus be manipulated. Don't allow it to get stretched, and it'll stop getting compressed as well.

Do I become a stone then? Nope. We become the other extreme of it. Stone does not have a choice but to stay still. But you are staying still although you have the ability to retort. Stone is not aware of itself, but you are. There is a world of a difference in doing something out of compulsion and doing it out of choice. As already said in an earlier post, there is a world of a difference between staying quiet out of fear and staying quiet out of forgiveness.

Stone - Compulsorily unable to react, stay still for everything

The now me - Compulsorily unable to stay still, react to everything

The future me - No more compulsions. Able to stay still, as well as react, as per will. No more reactions, only actions.

38. Answering to the Attitude

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Seeker 1: Shouldn't we keep the body fit for proper spiritual progress? Aren't Hatha Yoga practices essential in spiritual quest?

Master: If you start taking care of the body, there is no end to it. Holding on to the body and trying to cross the ocean of Maya is like sitting on a crocodile and trying to cross the river.

Another situation:

Seeker 2: Are things like Hatha Yoga really necessary? I think Yoga is to be practiced only in the mind, and has nothing to do with the body.

Master: Yes, but keeping the body fit helps in reaching a calm state of mind. That is why Hatha Yoga practices are required for a practitioner in the beginning.

Now is this master just playing with the seekers? If the seeker says Yes, master says No, if seeker says No, master says Yes. This is just a small example with 'Hatha Yoga'. You may see many such Q&A in several books. Let us analyze what this is about.

Very few seekers really want to 'know' something from a master. Most of the seekers only want an answer as per their liking. They already think they know the right thing and only wish to get an acknowledgement to their opinion from a genuine spiritual master. Their question displays their attitude. So, the answers of the spiritual masters are not to the questions, they are to the attitude of the questioner.

Seeker 1 in the above example probably has too much attachment to 'health' and enjoying the pleasures of a healthy body. Many quote "Shareeramaadyam khalu Dharma saadhanam" of Kalidasa like a great ideal they stand for, but their ideal stops with "Shareeramaadyam" and the "Dharma Saadhanam" never happens. Same is the case with many spiritual seekers; their quest somehow takes a long halt in bodily health management and never moves forward. When asked about it they say "Maintaining one's health is necessary for spiritual practice". But the fact is that worshipping the body has itself become their spiritual practice! The path has itself become the goal. Spirituality has become a royal excuse for adoring the body. We can notice the same notion in statements like "Renouncing everything and going is escapism, we have to stay in the world and practice spirituality". This mostly has only become an excuse for staying in the world. The first part "we have to stay in the world" is fully followed but the latter part "and practice spirituality" goes to dogs. Stay in the world, fine, but why give a justification for it with spirituality?! These justifications come unasked only because the Self will be pricking from within that nothing is being done. By making such statements, the mind wants to believe that it is genuinely progressing in spirituality amidst all the indulgence it is into. Also, this person who is saying "Renunciation is escapism" will be usually a person who cannot even give up his beloved chappals.

So, for people like Seeker 1, who ask questions with the hope of getting a "Yes, keeping the body fit is necessary", so that they can happily continue pleasing their precious body, masters usually give a prick with an opposite answer. Because such people ask questions in such a way that they already know that what they are doing is right, and they just want a "Yes/No" vote from different masters, hoping for a "Yes" from most of them.

Seeker 2 is in the other extreme. He is perhaps a beginner like most of us and after reading or listening to many spiritual preaches has become over-enthusiastic. He is talking as if he has already lost his body-consciousness. This is nothing more than an empty show-off out of over-excitement. He is also, perhaps lazy to follow techniques of Yoga which lead to mind control and wants to believe that everything can be done sitting idle. He is not much different from seeker 1, in that, he already thinks he knows the answer and is just expecting an agreeable nod from the master. And he rightly gets a prick too.

If the seekers' attitude behind the above two questions were not biased, then the master's answers would have been interchanged - the second answer would have been given for the first question and the first answer would have been given for the second question. Only a true Guru can see this attitude behind the questions and will know what is to be answered, and therefore the need of a Guru. The seekers, including us, are always after finding an answer that suits our opinion. Our mind works so intelligently to ask questions in such a way that we would get a "Yes" to what we are already doing. We will have attachments to some paths and techniques of spirituality and want to hear that it is the ultimate practice. The paths or techniques are usually not bad on their own, but our obsession towards them makes us stagnate. Just like how a Hatha Yogi's entire attention may get diverted to the well being of the body. A real spiritual master pulls us away from such obsessions and tries to guide us into a middle path - neither belittle the techniques nor get obsessed with them, but practice them as a stepping stone; neither punish or ignore the body like a great spiritual hero straightaway nor stop with the health of the body alone, but keep the body fit with minimum needs and proceed further to tackle the mind; living in a city or in a forest is not the factor, but only the mental efforts to get detached no matter where you are.

I am still getting amazed as to how crucial Buddha's message of middle path was. It has come several times in different ways within this blog itself. It keeps going deeper the more we explore it. Mind seems to somehow stick to extremes in most of the cases, some of them being very subtle, like the one being covered in this post.

Another conclusion of this short post is that the conversations with spiritual masters has to be read keeping the full context in mind. Focusing on their answers alone may give a wrong message to our mind. Because their answers are not just to the questions, but mainly to the attitude of the questioners. If the answers are viewed independently they will lose their original meaning and may even be detrimental. For e.g. "Yes, see, this master said that Hatha Yoga is not necessary. That is why I stopped Pranayama practice"!! This is a misguided practitioner noting only those sentences that suits his opinion without seeing the full context of that sentence, and also ignoring other conversations with the same master that empasize the importance of Pranayama.