Death has always
been in the forefront when it comes to making people think about the meaning of
life. No matter how much one wishes to forget this inevitability, it somehow
lingers in some corner, just waiting to take over someday. No matter how much
one wishes to avoid it, we know that it would come and stand face to face
someday. And we better be ready when it does. How can I be ready? Is it by
writing a will for proper distribution of the property I hold? Is it by being
in the company of my family and friends who will stand around my deathbed weeping?
Is it the feeling "I am important and the world will suffer a loss without
me" that will make me content? Will it? Really? It perhaps requires
serious imagining abilities in order to live the actual death moment and really
feel what we would feel then. But let us try.
I am lying on a
bed, with an old body about to wither. There are several people standing around
the bed, with lips talking in a low voice and with eyes filled with sorrow. All
legal matters have been promptly taken care of. I have lived a very generous
and righteous life. Many are crying for the loss that the society will incur
because of my death. Everything is perfect. But then, am I happy? Am I
perfectly content? Well, I want to pose as if I am peacefully leaving. But
something within is bugging. Questions, doubts and more than all, the pain of
separation are boiling within.
"Everything
will vanish in a moment. Everything that I gained and accumulated - money,
assets, relationships - is just going to be forcefully taken away in a matter
of a moment, Phhoosh.. just like that. This world, which I love so much, is
going to go away. And what a pity, I can do nothing about this. I don't want to
leave, but I am being pushed away. All my money, power, influences are of no
use now. Then why was I madly after them? Just to lose them forcefully one day?
What will happen to me after death? Is re-incarnation true? Or will I cease to
exist after a minute? What will happen? What will happen with death? What is
death?"
Only then will we
seriously think about the meaning of life and death. The question which was
casually postponed every time it popped up now has no more postponement
possible. Time up, and the question has not been answered. Exam is in a minute
and I am totally unprepared. Exam will anyway take place, I will weep and stare
at the question paper with a blank look. I leave the exam hall holding an
unfathomable question paper and leaving behind a blank answer sheet. Question
remains a question - What was the meaning of all that I did in my life? What is
death?
It is a terrible
feeling to be on a deathbed, because there are hundreds of things associated
with death, all the things that have been termed as 'bad', all the things we
desperately try to avoid while we live - losing things, losing people and most
of all letting go of the precious body. And add to that the uncertainty of the
'what next?'. With death, all of them come at once like a storm, causing a
great turmoil and misery.
Can anything be
done? Anything to face death peacefully? All the things explained above are all
different faces of the same thing - attachment. There is a term 'Vairagya' that
is given utmost importance in spirituality. And it is also one of the
misunderstood terms. We think Vairagya means becoming a Sanyasi and going to a
forest. That is because we always look for meanings in physical activities.
Brahmana is he who wears a sacred thread and eats only vegetarian, Karma means
an action done with hands and legs, Dana means giving away some object etc.
This narrowed meaning is itself a result of high attachment to the physical
body. Similarly, Vairagya is also given a very narrow meaning, something
related to physical activity. But actual practice of Vairagya is only within,
and is needed for all at all times, without which only misery awaits. Only a
person who has practiced true Vairagya is eligible to live in the world and
hence to face death successfully.
There is a custom
that is performed in marriages of some communities in India. The bridegroom,
dressed as a Brahmachari walks out of the place intending to go to Kashi and
dedicate his life to Adhyatma i.e. the search for truth. And then some of the
relatives will come and persuade him to stay back by promising to offer him a
girl to lead a family life. He then comes back and gets married. This has all
become a funny drama and everyone enjoys while this is being performed as a
ritual. But have you ever wondered what this could mean? Is this to show that
all young boys are hypocrites - trying to go away but staying back as soon as a
girl is ready to marry him? That would be so cheap! Because then it would mean
that all are liars, just acting as if they are interested in renunciation but
then pouncing on a girl as soon as one is available! Eewww... disgusting! Our
ancestors should certainly have had something better in their mind.
Ramana Maharshi
points out that the custom is only meant to show one thing - a person
indifferent to marriage is eligible for marriage. He should be equally ready to
be both - Brahmachari or a Grihastha. There should not be a glue of attachment
to a girl and pleasures of family life, only then is he truly eligible for
having a wife, not otherwise. Because otherwise, he is only going to have drops
of so called pleasures amidst an ocean of fear and suffering. Fear of failure
of endless expectations, and suffering born out of actual failure of those
expectations, ranging from the tiniest to the biggest. Therefore only a true
Viragi can lead a happy family life - happy when things go fine, and totally
undisturbed when things go wrong.
Actually all of us
already know this concept. A small kid of 8 years loves chocolates and
ice-cream. If money is given to him, he would certainly overeat chocolates and
fall sick. So, we manage all his requirement and even if we have to give money
to him for something, we will do so very cautiously. Only when he is old and
mature enough, when he becomes indifferent to chocolates (at least to some
extent), we will let him handle money to some extent. Because then we know that
even if he eats chocolates, he would do so moderately. He is not so desperate
for them. If there are chocolates, he is happy. If they are not there, he is
not so disturbed, he can do without them. He has become indifferent to chocolates
and ice-cream. He has become a Viragi towards chocolates and ice-cream. If we extend
this simple concept to everything in life - wife, children, fame, money - that
becomes Vairagya. A person living in the world, but totally unattached in his
mind. A truly free person. A person who will not weep for losing things or
people. The world is meant to enjoy objects and relationships, not to stick to
them. Because that is anyway impossible. The game of the world is only about
this - to be able to be detached at will. Only he will enjoy the world
thoroughly, without having the slightest fear of losing them or without
suffering even a bit when he loses them. He is a person fit to face death.
Nobody likes a
cricketer continuing to play even after he has lost the edge and then being
thrown out of the team forcefully by the board, even if he had played
brilliantly in his young age. Only he is respected who voluntarily retires in a
dignified manner. This voluntary retirement has to be extended to everything in
life - from the smallest object like 'my room' to the biggest 'my dear
wife/son'. Sticking to something desperately and weeping for it - everyone feels
repulsive to see someone else do this. But when it comes to us, something
blinds us from the obvious truth. We begin to act as if we can try and hold on
to it forever. Voluntary retirement is a power. One should be ready to execute
this power at will, for anything, for anyone, at any moment, anywhere. Only he
who possesses this power is eligible for a family life. And that is the meaning
of the custom being performed in weddings. Because he would no more weep when
life takes some people and things away from him, and when finally death takes
all people and things away from him. Only he can claim a dignified end.
There is one more aspect that bugs during death - a sense of incompleteness. "This work is pending, that issue is pending, I wanted to complete those. As a last thing I wanted to see my grandson. Oh no, now I can't". But we all know that this 'last thing' never gets done. A new 'last thing' springs up every day. When you leave home for a few days, for a long tour, just observe the restlessness that creeps in. After leaving home, there will be so many petty things crowded in the mind "Have I closed the water tap? Did I switch off the mains? Did I inform the neighbor to receive all the mails on behalf of me?" etc. A sense of incompleteness. If for such a small trip away from home so many things trouble us, then imagine the situation during death, when we have to leave everything and everyone for good! Which incomplete item or task will we think of in the few minutes available?
A detached person gets over this problem as well. An attached person has the notion that he runs and manages the world. He thinks he is responsible for the completion of things, and if he does not complete, things will fall apart and he feels he is responsible for that. Feeling responsible for things that will take place even after his death. What a strong attachment and how stupid! Considering the example of the cricket player again - "Oh, if I leave the cricket team who will open the innings?". A detached person, does everything that he has to do, and when it is time to leave, he just leaves. Even if things are falling apart he does not weep for it. "During my time, I performed what was entrusted to me efficiently. I am not the permanent manager of the world. It is time to leave and I leave. Even if everything goes to dogs, it is none of my business anymore!". Only a person who has been very honest and efficient in his activities throughout life can do this in the end. Else, the guilt of inefficient work will prick during death, and people want to fix things in this last moment, like how people read one day before the exam, or like how people start working more when the year-end appraisal is near.
It is perhaps difficult to understand this fully here, but let us look at what Krishna did. Many years had passed after the Mahabharata war. All Yadava warriors, except Krishna and Balarama, had killed each other in a massacre after getting drunk. Krishna comes to Dwaraka, informs his father about this tragedy, sends a message for Arjuna to come and protect the citizens of Dwaraka and then says "My job is done, I have to go", and then simply walks out of the kingdom. He goes to a forest, wanders about without any goal in mind, and then sleeps under a tree. A hunter mistakes him for a deer and shoots an arrow at him. It pierces his leg and then shortly he leaves the body. In our perspective, what a pathetic death this is! He was a superhero of the times, a high profile celebrity, someone who had performed extreme feats impossible for a common man. A person considered to be a God. And this is how he chose to die, like a beggar, absolutely indifferent to the physical body and a ceremonious death, absolutely indifferent to the chaos that Dwaraka would go into if he left. Even Arjuna was unable to stop dacoits from looting the people of Dwaraka. But very well knowing all this, Krishna simply walked out - "My job is done and it is time to leave. What happens after that is none of my business." Where is Krishna, a superhero, and where are we? And we feel responsible for the petty things that are left incomplete! What a joke! Nobody can die with every task perfectly complete. The only true completion can happen in the attitude of the person dying, not in the activities.
So, the power of detachment, Vairagya or Voluntary retirement is the solution to all the above. The whole life is meant for the practice of detachment. Objects are possessed not for sticking to them and being miserable in fear of losing, but to learn how to be without them. Relationships are built not for weeping over them when they break, but to learn to be indifferent to them. Because only when something is possessed, voluntary retirement from that object can be practiced. Otherwise, how can we practice renunciation of something which we do not possess? But after one is a master of renunciation, it does not matter if he possesses it or not. He can choose to be a Sanyasi or a Grihastha, it does not matter at all.
We think that if a husband who is away from home for several days says "Oh dear wife, I miss you", he is very loving. Well, even a broomstick is missed when it is not there. What is so great about it? Only he is wise who loves his wife very dearly when together but is totally indifferent when he has to be away due to circumstances. What is the use of "boo hoo"? While leaving to Mathura in a chariot, Krishna didn't look back at Yashoda or the Gopis for a dramatic and emotional filmy scene.
Thus, we have to practice Vairagya (voluntary retirement) everyday whenever an opportunity comes up. Practiced for small things every day, becomes something huge over time.
Stage 1 - Not having an object - desire inside to obtain it
Stage 2 - Having an
object - living in fear of losing it and then one day weeping over its loss
Stage 3 - Having an
object - absolutely fine if I lose it, I will enjoy it as long as it is with me
Only we will know what state we are in. Only we can be the true judge of our real condition. No matter how much we act and fool others, we will always know where we really are. Impossible to fool ourselves!
Only with full renunciation
will we complete life. Or else death will finish our life.
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