49. I Am Miserable Because...

<< Previous - The Dwarf and the Giant

A buzzing cafeteria in an office. Many tense faces that are apparently carrying the burden of running the whole world have come to take a quick bite asap. Some who have just had a meeting-before-lunch are now having a lunch-meeting which will be followed by a meeting-after-lunch. Many do not even know what food is going through their mouth. Hands are picking, mouth is chewing and food-pipe is swallowing. All perfect karma yogis who do not have any sense of doership in their act of eating.

In a reserved place in the cafeteria, some happily married individuals are unhappily opening their lunch boxes. One of them, who is a newbie in this company, looks at what is in his box with an irritated face and says "Aagh.. same roti, same sabji.." before starting to eat and somehow finishing his lunch. The next day the same incident repeats like a ritual. He recites "Aagh.. same roti, same sabji" as if it is some prayer-chant prior to having food, and then has his food. When this happens for several days, one of his colleagues, an oldy, gets into a conversation with the newbie.

Oldy - Hi, you seem to be unhappy with the cooking.

Newbie - Yes. I am bored of eating this same sabji everyday.

Oldy - Why don't you tell your wife which dish you like? She will be happy to cook that. I am assuming you are newly married. So she may not know exactly what you like. Do not be hesitant to tell your likes and dislikes with your wife.

Newbie - I am not married.

Perplexed Oldy - Oh! Then who cooks for you? Whoever it is, tell them.

Newbie - I cook it myself!

We cook our own food. We make our own situations. We reap what we sow. The newbie at least admitted that he cooked his own food. Many a times we don't even accept that we are responsible for what we are today.

I have seen that almost everyone who lives in Bangalore curse Bangalore. Probably the same is true for any disproportionately grown city. "The city is horrible, no safety for children, pollution, traffic, garbage..." and so on and so forth. All true, but you are cursing for years at a stretch. Is anyone holding your neck down and imprisoning in the city? What is stopping people from going into a smaller city/town and leading a simpler life with a simpler job? "I am here for the sake of my wife/husband/children/parents". Ask anyone and fingers are pointing at someone else, which reminds me of a group of people pointing guns among themselves to form a circle (as in the climax scenes of movies). A is pointing at B, B is pointing at C, and C is pointing at A. Is this a bunch of self-less people living for the sake of others? No. This is a bunch of confused people who do not know what they want and who want to use others as a cover for their selfishness. It is me that finds a big city attractive and a matter of pride, it is me that wants a mall in the neighborhood, it is me that wants varieties of hotels to be a phone call away, it is me that thinks that only a fast and restless life is successful, it is me that thinks more money means more happiness, it is me that wants to own a house in the city, it is me that thinks that my children will be very sharp only if they grow in a city, it is me, me and always me. Now tell me, when everyone thinks this way and clogs into one place, won't there be traffic and garbage? Even heaven is bound to have management issues if all rushed there like idiots; it will no more be heaven.

Things are a step deeper most of the times. "I married the boy/girl I do not like because of my parents". No. "I married that boy/girl because I want peace with my parents." I chose my own peace, not someone else's, and for that peace I compromised some other peace, which is also mine. I gambled one for another. But everything is finally for my own sake; we are not doing anything for anyone else. Plenty of examples can be given - "I do not want to, but am staying abroad for the sake of my children", "I did not want to, but I quit my job for the sake of my spouse". None of these are being done for others as being portrayed; all is being done only for myself. We better accept this. This gambling between different cards is what life is. If you have to pick one you have to throw another. Sometimes it may seem that you have been able to pick two cards at once, but life also makes you throw two cards at once. It is a complicated game than our cards.

Therefore do not whine for the cards you have chosen. In a game of rummy, only an idiot would say "I picked that card up because he threw it" or "I picked it up because he pleaded me to". You may very well have given up better cards in favor of bad ones; while doing it you may not have realized. But accept responsibility for that choice. It is you that chose. Not your parents, or your spouse, or children. No one is playing for you; they are playing for themselves just as you are playing for yourself. Stop showing fingers at others for your cards and take charge, even if they are the crappiest of the cards. Because only then will you slowly start replacing your cards with newer and better ones. Else you will continue to weep waiting for others to replace your cards for you which will never happen.

This still seems limited. I can never get all the cards I want. And sometimes all the choices may be bad (or good). And this play seems endless. What if I do not want to play and get out of this gambling? When you REALLY feel that you will be ready to quit even the most enticing luxury of life (spade of King perhaps). Let us think about it then! First let us concentrate on playing with as little fuss as possible, because it is the path to finally feel disinterested with play, to find both good and bad cards boring, to get vairagya.

Following is a simpler day-to-day situation as an example. A person approaches you and asks for some silly help which you do not want to render. You are irritated inside but you agree without having the mouth to say no. After the person leaves you curse and curse and curse. What went wrong? Who chose the cards? Without knowing how to politely say no, it is you who gave up your peace in favor of the peace of maintaining normal relationship with that person. That means we are so dumb that we do not even know how to harmlessly say 'no' to a silly thing also. No wisdom lies inside to take even a simple decision in my life, but heaps of worthless intelligence is available that provides unsolicited advices to everyone else in the world about what they should do in their life!

So, the award for "I am miserable because..." goes to.... "Me". Claps claps claps. For I have taken charge of my life by accepting the award and am finally on the right path.

48. The Dwarf And The Giant

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Imagine a dwarf stuck in a huge maze, without a floor layout displayed anywhere and no one to ask. And suppose he has to go from the point A to B. How will he go? Trial and error. He will roam and roam to find the way. But then he cannot easily trace back the path. So, to get a good picture of the maze, and draw a map himself, it may take days. But let us add one more complication - what if the maze is dynamic and changes its layout every day? Will he ever be able to get the knowledge of the layout of this maze? This is the tedious way of learning using the intellect. Learning is very cumbersome and moves forward at snail's pace.

This is what happens to most of the people. We are mostly mental-dwarfs. Very often we find ourselves mixed up in the situations. We are not on top of it. We seem to take steps with trial and error without knowing fully about the consequences. This way we somehow drag on saying that we are learning by experience. Even in our discussions, we can see that we cannot see beyond two or three ideas of the topic. And our arguments end up becoming a mess most of the times, leading to no conclusion.

On the other hand, what if you have a giant within the maze who is much taller than the walls of the maze? He gets a glance of the whole maze at once. It doesn't matter even if the maze is dynamically changing. At any given time, he knows what is where.

Now this is what spiritual masters are. They are mental-giants. Practice of Self-enquiry (or any other method of meditation) is something that makes you rise above the normal planes of the mind. Suddenly you will know that you have a bigger picture. You no more feel as if you are entangled in a maze even if you are standing right in the middle of it. Because you start growing into a mental-giant. The whole of maze (or at least a bigger portion of it) is visible to you with a single glance. In this case, how much time does it require for you to learn about the maze? Just a moment! It is instantaneous and spontaneous. This is the way of the wise.

Now compare this with the dwarf's tedious way of living. The dwarf is running here and there the whole day in the maze learning only an infinitesimal bit of the whole thing! But the dwarf may say that he is very active and he is saving the world by being so. He may also blame the giant wise person, who is seemingly inactive, of being lazy. But what is the fact? The wise person does exactly what is needed as he has a clear picture of the maze. He may walk only ten steps and reach the destination. Whereas the dwarf walks thousands to steps moving to and fro in the maze and still may not reach the destination. This is the paradox between action and inaction described in the Gita. Action may turn out to be inactive (non-productive), and non-action may prove to be highly active inherently.

The dwarf initially criticizes the giant, saying that he is very lazy. But the giant only smiles at the poor dwarf. The dwarf, although utterly confused about the maze, doesn't want to accept that and wants to prove that being active is the highest ideal of life. He believes and wants to prove that he will find his way out by running around thus. So, he runs and runs and runs endlessly in the maze. But how long will the poor dwarf run about? One day or the other he will have to get tired of it and surrender to the giant to get himself elevated as well. Then he sees the whole maze at once and exclaims, 'Oh why did not I do this simple thing earlier?!'

This post is inspired by the following Q&A with Ramana Maharshi.

Q: Why don't spiritual masters go around, give talks, and help people?

Ramana Maharshi: You seem to have already decided what is meant by 'help'. Do you think going around and physically helping people is the only help? A Jnani's help cannot be fathomed. It works without your knowledge.